Friday, May 27, 2011

since it's been so long since a combo word post

I almost ran over a kid the other day because he literally waited for my car to get close, then ran into the street.


Friday, May 20, 2011

Two things, neither important

Maybe three things. We'll see how I feel at the end.

FIRST: I finally found this summer's bathing suit. It's a big deal, because buying bathing suits is more challenging than buying juuuust about any clothing item. For some reason, I'm most concerned with lines, and this suit should be just perfect. Thanks, Melinda, for referring me. No thanks J Crew for your bathing suits being so expensive...but secret thanks because they're REAL cute.

SECOND: I can't stop listening to the following things: that pop tart cat video Ally B showed me and I posted here last month. The new Bon Iver, all tracks, but especially 1, 2 and 10 (Peter Cetera?!)...and 4...and them all. Nicki Minaj's latest single. I'm not proud of the first and the last, but you know me (do you even KNOW me??)...I'm no music snob, so I can't apologize. I like car dancing.

I'm both horrified and elated that I just linked to my blog within my blog.

THIRD: I'm really feeling a third. THIS. CONFERENCE. IS. GOING. TO. BE. THE. BEST. Partially because I just took out things that I hated about the last 6 conferences...but mostly because I just learned about QR codes, and had Noelle learn how to make them, and now we're QR-ing the SHIZ out of the schedule. Seriously. There are codes that will lead to random pictures of my coworkers thinking funny things in thought bubbles. It's going to be funny, then way too much, then excessive to the point of being funny again (think the second and third seasons of Family Guy).

I think that's it for now. We'll see.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Mildly embarrassing...

...but I have to share this, because I've been enjoying it SO MUCH.

Brief context--all I've been doing lately, minus brief hiatuses for birthday parties, is planning this giant conference we're hosting in a couple of weeks. I need a new contact prescription from all of the computer staring, and I think I've typed myself into carpal tunnel syndrome, but the conference is gonna be the bomb. However, I've been mostly useless otherwise.

Best news...I found an app that not only contributes to being useless, but it's so mindless, and it allows me to take out some of my frustration in dealing with said conference...on high school kids.

Please download Opinionaided immediately.

Here's the idea: you post a yes or no question with a picture...people thumbs up or thumbs down it. You can also leave a comment. Instant feedback. Perfect, right? Oh wait...only high schoolers and child molesters use it, and they don't understand the extremely simple premise. Oh yeah, I also use it. I spend silent moments cooking, or before falling asleep, thumbs up-ing or thumbs-downing people, and leaving ridiculous comments for my own entertainment. There is no pay off for this...they can't comment back or's purely for my own entertainment. And now...please see how I spend my free moments.

It is my deepest desire that these kids see this comment and for a split second, think "Yeah, posting that might have made me look stupid. I'll think twice next time." Don't worry though...I know they're thinking "F&#% this adult!!!"

IT'S SO CUTE. It's so cute.

He is really cute.

Someone needed to tell her.

Work on consistency, and stop showing off your child boobs to strangers.

Come's so much funnier because it's the CEO of Blockbuster...and I'm pretty sure that's really Jesus's quotation.

I'm actually hoping this is a joke question. "Ok baby, Imma stay...88% of people on Opinionaided thought I should."

I think it's a great tip.

At least put out more than one disposable shot glass.

I'm pretty sure this is a Chris Hansen post from To Catch a Predator.

Learn early...this is creeps.

Thumbs down.

It's never too early to be made fun of for spelling errors.

The words...the picture...there was nothing else to say.

Yeah yeah, I take these pics all the time. "Tilt that camera...look at me...I'm walking up the wall!!"

She really answered her own question.

Just wanted to be sure.

But why would I??

Nailed it.

It seems so clear.

This is the kid I hope really took this to heart.

It's true. Not really.

I can't even make fun of it, because I don't at all understand it.

I will always hate this joke, in any form. People need to know. "Want to hear a country song backwards? My wife came back..." "No. I do not."

I'm pretty sure that would do it.

This girl is setting herself up to be that mom who posts about nipple rashes on Facebook.

My head hurts just looking at this.


Ha haaaa!

There's no reason to laugh at this.

I hate high schoolers.

This did make me happy I don't have a sister.

Nnnnnnnnnnnailed it!

Agree...with myself.

It's so prestigious.

Just download it. You'll get it.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Today's letter.

Dear students whose parents bought them cars,

Shut up about it. Just shut the hell up.


Monday, May 2, 2011

the most serious this blog will ever be

...but I can't resist at the moment.

Dear 80% of People on Facebook:


Love, Shannon

I have lost faith in the goodness of almost everyone everywhere since about 8:30 p.m. PST yesterday. There are appropriate ways to handle major world events on Facebook. Why do 80% of people choose NOT to handle things that way?

Appropriate post, ripped from someone's actual Facebook, without crediting them, because who knows if they'd even be ok with that:

""Obama is dead, I don't care" - Geraldo Rivera. Thanks Fox News for being Fair & Balanced."

--it's funny, real, and doesn't rejoice in the death of another person. Nice work.

Inappropriate post, ripped from someone's actual Facebook, without crediting them, because I hope they're embarrassed by this one day: response to a comment that the people in DC celebrating OBL's death was eerily similar to the people in the Middle East celebrating the events of September 11: "False. It is a celebration of justice, their celebration was of injustice."

--False. I'm pretty sure they said the EXACT SAME THING about you just now. Justice is perceived.

Inappropriate post:

...again, an argument in response to the concept that we shouldn't be celebrating someone's death by singing in the streets: "read Ezekiel 18:23"

Kick ass appropriate reply:

"Ezekiel 18:23, "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?""

--excellent contextualization. I laughed out loud at this. I like how the person that posted the challenge in the first place apparently read the first part of that verse, then chose to stop reading, and answer the question on God's behalf with a "Yes."

Inappropriate posts:

Variations on "Ding dong the witch is dead," which range from that simple quote to the more elaborate "Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch . . . We don't forget," (which, should anyone like to wager, I bet will be one a t-shirt at gas stations in Arizona within the week).

--first of all, and maybe most importantly, witches are girls. Doesn't anyone read Harry Potter anymore? Second, this reference to a fairly old movie is not going to go far with the kids on the Facebook these days. Third, SOMEONE DIED. I don't know, maybe stop singing about it.

Inappropriate post:

"Obama made it sound like he single handedly found him and pulled the trigger himself. "

--really? Because I'm pretty sure he mentioned the troops on the ground in Pakistan several minutes before he pointed out that, by law, he had to be the one to give the order. Because it's the law. And I'm pretty sure he wasn't singing about it.

Inappropriate post:

"Osama is dead that faggot."

--REALLY? Do you know what that means? Of all the things he's been accused of, I'm pretty sure being into guys wasn't one of them. There are SO MANY OTHER adjectives that would've been appropriate. Here are a couple to choose from: criminal, killer, terrorist. And those adjectives actually have negative connotation attached.

Post toward which I am neutral, leaning toward "really?":

...from a friend in a rural Midwest town: "I can sleep so much easier tonight knowing he's dead!"

--I mean, I'm glad that you're feeling good and all, but you can't honestly expect me to believe that you've been losing sleep for the last nine years because you thought OBL might choose to attack your town of 1100. Let's not make this more dramatic than it already is.

Inappropriate post:

"I'll truly believe it when I see it. Oh wait, I won't see it because they threw his body into the ocean."'re saying you won't believe it? That hardly seems worth of a status update. I don't believe Del T is better than T Bell (do you like how I have nicknames for fast food restaurants?). POST IT.

Appropriate post (I think):

"I think Obama's next speech is going to be a guitar solo."
--I don't get it...but I like it.

Inappropriate post, followed by inappropriate comments:

Post: "Hmmm, wonder what Osama is thinkin' about right now??"
Comment: "How hot hell is"
Comment: "Where's all my virgins and can somebody kick the AC on."

--Awesome. Jesus is looking down on you with so much love right now, as you decide that someone went to hell forever, and made fun of the fact. Jesus LOVES judgment, mocking and when people go to hell. You are all awesome, and I'm happy we're (Facebook) friends. Let's get matching tattoos of OBL in hell, and us with Jesus and a bunch of virgins laughing and laughing, and Jesus will have his arm around you, and I'll be holding up a peace sign. For real. Let's get those tattoos tomorrow you guys.

Appropriate post that I couldn't have said better myself...especially because s/he also uses the abbreviation for his name, just like me:

"I just can't find joy in the physical death of another person - I feel grateful for the fortitude and courage of our troops, but I'm kinda creeped out by people cheering at OBL's death."

--I wouldn't have wanted him as an Uncle or anything, but I'm certainly not happy he died. Come on...someone died!! The only person I would be happy about dying is Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter. Boom. Two Harry Potter references in one blog. All readers alienated forever.

And to wrap things up...

Comment that appeared in the middle of the president's speech, in the middle of everyone's social media running commentary, that put it aaaall in perspective:

"Watching George Lopez as a comedian and tryna complete an essay is hard as fck, he is so funny! LMAO side tracked much haha"

I love/hate high school students. So much.