some recent isht

...that I've purchased:

--food at the grocery
--a bunch of cold medicine
--socks for two really cute little boys
--a bunch of gasolina
--a car wash
--a penguin book for cousin
--some Frankenberry cereal for Frank(enberry)
--tickets to see Mika
--tickets to see Regina Spektor
--eyeliner
--the new Britney single on iTunes
--toiletries galore (how is it that I run out of contact solution, toothpaste and shampoo almost simultaneously every time? I do NOT use them on the same rotation.)
--a T-Pain voice app on my iPhone
--the new Dan Brown book (which is not as good as Angels and Demons, but DaVinci Code? Of equal good, at least)...but I'm planning on returning that. Is that wrong?
--a plane ticket to Chicago

So I've clearly fallen off the "no presents for others" wagon...but to a small extent. And I went to two concerts that were the bizzzzz...but for some reason, I didn't consider that shopping. Same with Britney and T Pain.

Not sure why not.

But still no mall/Target/any other awesome purchases, other than eyeliner.

And on that, I do not spend $28 on eyeliner because I'm elitist or love spending money. I do it because it's the best damn eyeliner I've ever used, it lasts forever, it doesn't smear, and if I don't shower (often), it often stays on all night. That's worth FIFTY dollars.

Ooh, not really. I would never spend that on eyeliner.

But here's the real deal...here is the isht I've WANTED to buy recently:
--this amazing owl cookie jar at Anthro
--this amazing dress at Anthro
--almost everything at Anthro
--t-shirts at both concerts I went to
--every other piece of makeup at the counter
--a NetFlix subscription
--hair color (about 11 times...I have never colored my own hair)
--about 11 cheap tops at Target
--a Sham-wow
--an external hard drive (may have to cave and buy this...too...much...music...)
--a tattoo
--shoes. So many shoes.
--this amazing scarf...at Anthro
--a plane ticket to Seattle
--a KitchenAid mixer (???)

There's more. I can't even go on.
Fight the good fight...get me out of here...I still have 20 more days on the road to not buy anything...but now that the gift ban has been lifted...be ready, everyone.

Two reflections in my lifelong quest to stop being that girl who always says yes to things I don't want to do.

So I have a really hard time saying no to people. To anyone, actually. Case in point: CaseS in point, actually.

I was on jury duty in January, and got put on a two week trial. Every day on our eternally long lunch break (really...I do NOT need two hours! Give me a tuna sandwich and I'll eat it in the jury box if it means I can go home early), I walked past a guy who was signing people up for Greenpeace newsletters. I managed to catch him with other people for the first five days, but day six…he was alone and saw me coming. He was so nice…he was just so nice…I listened to the schpiel, and managed to at least tell him that I wasn’t sure if I could be a contributing member to Greenpeace yet. He seemed to be so sad about it…and he loved the environment so much…and, I mean...I like it too...I had to tell him that I would think about it over break and talk to him on my way back. I know that most people would not actually stop back by, but all I could think about are all those jerks who lie and tell him that they’re going to stop back by, then don’t, so for some reason, I HAD to be that person who actually stopped back. And I signed up to be a monthly contributing member of Greenpeace. And although I promised myself I would never tell anyone this, I have just decided to—I said I would contribute $10 a month, which is 100% more than I wanted to contribute, and he said “Can you make it $15?” And I just said yes.
WHAT??

Second case in point: I went to the optometrist the other day (I say the other day...it was like 6 months ago) because I needed a new contact lens prescription, and when I was in the chair (one, or two? One, two? Two, Three? Two or three?), I mentioned that I eventually wanted to get new glasses as well. So after the exam, working my new contacts, he sent me out and said “Ok, go ahead and choose your new frames!” I didn’t really mean to get new glasses right then, so I already was a little overwhelmed. You know...you kind of have to be in the mood to pick out glasses frames, right? This from a girl who sometimes drives to three different restaurants before actually deciding what I want for lunch. But thought that I may as well, since I was there and needed them, as it had been eight years since my last pair. Problem arose when a really nice and not bad looking Aussie came up to me and started helping me. He actually worked there, so it wasn’t that weird, but I was immediately flustered—I wasn’t even expecting to GET glasses, you know? And now I have this hot accent helping me out by picking frames and saying they look “sao noice, sao noice.” COME ON. How does ANYONE say no to that guy?? Anyway, long story short, I ended up with a pair of frames that I likely never would have even tried on myself, just because he said they were sao noice, and he had an accent. Damn it. This direct quotation should help you envision what I bought: “…and when you go out downtown, these can serve as an accessory!” Really?

That is my life. I buy things I don’t want or need because I hate telling people no. Once, at age 21, I bought a timeshare. But that's for another time.

Naz church

So I visited a Naz church while on the road...you know...it's what we do, it's what we do. It was actually a nice break in my weekend of horrifying-non-shopping-boredom. But really...it was a surreal experience. This church, which shall remain (forever) unnamed, may as well have been a time warp, because once I drove onto their property, I'm pretty sure it became 1995. This place had EVERY stereotypical 90's church thing going for it, and it was made evident from the moment I walked in the doors.

I was greeted outside by a 55ish man, who asked my name, and said "Welcome, Janet!" When I went in through the glass doors with the black crash bars (of course), an 85-90ish TINY lady extended her arm for a hug. When I gave her the welcome-to church hug, she kept her arm wrapped around my waist (that's how tall she was) and said "Are you new?"

Pause for a moment to say that I'm so glad I wasn't some stranger who just thought "I don't know...maybe I'll try church today." I would have left as soon as some stranger tried to hug me.

Anyway, I told her I was new, and she guided/pushed me over to a Welcome Table, where another older lady was standing. I told her that I was from Point Loma, and she said "Poynnt Laoma?? Oh maaah...maa daw-tuh awlmawst we-unt theyrr, but ayt thuh layst sec-und, she dee-sided teau gaugh teau Ow-klugh-how-muh. Nah-ow she's murried aynd hay-us the cuh-yutest bay-bee Ah hay-ve aver sayne!!"

Texas and THEN some!! What are you doing in Reno???

Anyway, as it turns out, I know her daughter, who works at a church near Sacramento, and the best part about that is that they actually have two kids, but one of them is older and apparently not a big deal anymore, now that they have a baby. She didn't mention the older girl once, but proceeded to talk about the baby for a few more minutes.

So she made me fill out a Welcome card with all my personal business on it, then gave me some cookies and a free coffee coupon at...wait for it...the Holy Grounds Coffee Cart.

Do it, 1995!!

I could write about 10 pages about how awesome it all was, but in order to leave my office before it gets dark and because it's likely that no one has actually read this far down, I'll bullet point the rest.

--I was introduced as "Sharon Hutchinson"
--the "worship team" was ordered boy-girl-boy-girl-boy, and all the boys had dress pants, and all the girls had long dresses or skirts on
--the "worship band" was made up of a piano (leading, of course), drums, a guitar and three flutes. Awesome.
--they had special music. It was a piano solo from a girl who was home from college, and her new college boyfriend sat with her and turned the pages when she nodded very indiscreetly
--during the special music, the screen that typically had the words to the songs had a PowerPoint slide that was a close up of piano keys
--there was a sermon outline with at LEAST 30 blank spaces
--the pastor had an alter call in the middle of the service and said "you don't have to be a member of this church to come and pray"
--multiple people said "Amen" (including three when I was bringing greetings from PL).
--the carpet was pale-ish pink
--the sermon included three humorous-and-not-quite-relevant illustrations
--the bathrooms had "please don't flush your fem products down the drain" signs with clever Publisher clip art of a toilet freaking out.

Amazing, right??

Anyway.

All in all, although I openly mock, it was a warm fuzzy shout out to my entire childhood, and I'd do it again!!!

this guy is gonna get killed!!!!

bathroom buddies

So here's something I think everyone needs: a bathroom buddy. Not someone who goes to the bathroom with you (that's stupid)...but someone that you can tell all the awkward-but-somehow-inevitable bathroom stories that arise to without it being weird.

My bathroom buddy (thanks Cat) is gone for the day, but I need to say this:

It is not normal for acquaintances to have a "one-in-the-stall, one-out" conversations.

I was just in the bathroom at work and a really nice lady from the office across the hall was washing her hands when I walked in, so of course, I said hello, and (as I know she's a talker) even hesitated just a second before I went into the stall to see if she was going to say anything after "Hi." She didn't, so I went in and shut the door. As I'm physically starting to pee, she says "So did you guys hire a new counselor?"

At this point, I know she is speaking to me, and I know that, as I have to pee REALLY bad, if I continue to pee, I may not be able to hear what she's saying, and she might feel weird because I'm talking to her and she's listening to me pee. So I stop peeing (I just found out a little while ago that not all boys can stop peeing once they've started. What the hell--doesn't that seem like a natural thing??) and said "Oh yeah...started Monday!" to which she paused, so I started to pee again, but immediately had to stop, because she said "Yeah, well I wasn't sure...I saw a new face, but I was like 'is she new??'" I fake laughed.

The only thing worse than really having to pee is to be sitting ON THE TOILET, skirt up, in pee position, and not being able to pee.

So I said "Yep, she's new alright." She replied "Oh great, I thought I was going crazy!" and then laughed for an unusual amount of time for that comment. So at that point, I'm having to extend a fake laugh longer than is ok, and not pee.

Also, I didn't have real lunch today...I just had a third cup of coffee for lunch. And I haven't peed all day. And it's four.

ALSO also, when one person is in-stall, there are no non-verbal "cool, this conversation has been over for almost a full minute" signals you can send, so she's just standing there, and I'm (obviously) just sitting there.

So I say something like "Yeah, no, you're not crazy, ha ha good one...I now have a bladder infection" (not really on the last part), and she goes "Well ok...well...goodbye!"

Yes, definitely, goodbye. This has been a great little catch up for us.

Anyway, all of that to say..."one-in-the-stall, one-out" conversations are SOMETIMES okay if you're with your best friend ever...and then never okay again. Two-in convos can be okay...maybe...two-out convos are just flipping fine.

personal intervention

Oh man, this weekend sucked big time in the No Shopping Challenge of 2009.

So I'm in Reno, and have been since Friday afternoon, and they have NONE of my normal "stop the shopping urge" fixers. In Sac, when I feel like I have to buy something, I go to It's a Grind, because they have delicious drinks and wireless and cupppcaaaaakessss...or Panera, even though I don't like their food, because of the wireless and iced tea.

Oh man, I love iced tea so much, and theirs is so good.

Anyway, I can spend hours in both of those places. However, Reno has no Paneras, and when I put It's a Grind in the GPS, it took me to an abandoned building. Thanks, Reno.

So Friday, I checked into my hotel (it was Harrahs. It. Was. Harrahs.) and was so bored immediately that I went to eat dinner at 530 (only old people--I thought it was a 530 thing, but I soon realized that it was just a Reno-in-general thing), and went back to my room and watched TV until I fell asleep. Seriously. Awesome.

Saturday, I woke up at 7 (probably because I basically went to bed at 7), and drove around for two hours (no lie) looking for free wireless that wasn't at a bar. When that didn't work out, I camped at Starbucks and worked for a few hours until I was disgusted with myself, at which point, I tried to find a movie theater. The first one the GPS took me to was at the back of a stadium sized parking lot with about 11 cars in it, and abandoned lots all around. The second theater, however, was perfect.

Everything about it was perfect.

It was in a new shopping center that had so many perfect stores...and they were all new...and so pretty...and I wanted to go in them so bad. They had everything I loved, and all these amazing looking onesie boutiques, restaurants, coffee shops...it was just perfect.

http://www.thesummitonline.com/reno/index.html

So I parked outside, told myself that I'd be fine, and that I could just look around and appreciate all the newness of it all. Then I turned the car back on and drove over to Buffalo Wild Wings (more out of frantic-ness than anything...because I knew I had to get out of there) where I ate, although I was not hungry. Then I went to see Fame

(which was SO HORRIBLY BAD)

and immediately left the plaza after.

The next morning, I had to visit a Naz church, which I did (more about that later, because it was epic), then I happened to find myself at the same shopping center.

All of this was made so much worse by the fact that it's been in the 40s and 50s here, and I didn't bring a sweater, scarf or jacket at all. I've been FREEZING in my work dresses and skirts.

So I ate lunch first, then drove past the movies...then around the plaza. I parked outside of four different stores and a nail salon before just driving back to the hotel. I'm sure most people around thought I was crazy.

I proceeded to eat again, although I wasn't hungry (more hot wings, oddly enough). I did that a FEW times this week when I've wanted to shop. Be ready for "storing a little fat for the Fall" Shannon.

But, America, I didn't buy a damn thing for myself this week, other than nail files, which I really needed.

Aaahhhh this sucks!!!

I'm 99% sure

that someone peed all over the air filter of my rental car. Every time I turn on the vent, I get a face full of pee smell.

scenes from a college fair

So I've been noticing some interesting trends at college fairs this year.
I do not understand 95% of high schoolers, and the ones I do understand are the weird ones. Cases in point:

--skinny jeans on not skinny girls. I mean, I understand wanting to fit in (with the crowd--clearly fitting into pants is not a concern) and all, but stop it with the skinny jeans. In fact, America, stop making skinny jeans in any size over a four. I know I can't wear those things, so I don't buy them. Every girl in high school only wears skinny jeans. Girls...they even make you size 6s out there look fat. Sorry. Stop it.

--colored skinny jeans. Really? As if drawing attention to the ill-proportioned hips most girls have wasn't enough...let's do it in purple.

--boys with hair like they just don't care. Come on...hair that perfectly unperfect is just as obvious as super done up hair. Stop it.

--white girls who think they're going to Princeton. I only got tired of this because I was next to them at two fairs, and their reps were this awesome old guy and this surgeon alum, and when I wasn't talking to someone, I was listening to them. They were oddly positive to every person who spoke with them...and I realized that they want every person ever to apply to Princeton so they can be more selective. Smart. But it made me want to say-in-caps: WHITE GIRLS OF AMERICA...YOU AREN'T GETTING INTO PRINCETON UNLESS YOU WERE HOMELESS OR ONE OF YOUR PARENTS IS ON DRUGS OR HAVE A WOODEN LEG!

--mom jeans. I thought those were things of the past, but they're still there in full force...and apparently they're making new ones, because I saw mom-jean-capris, and embellished mom-jeans too. Sick. Stop it!

--gifted education program t-shirts...never cool...even if you write in gangsta font. "Advanced Algebra, boyzzz!"

--admitting that you don't know your address will never, ever get you points with colleges. Seriously. I can't even tell you how many people (ok, girls. all girls) don't know their own addresses. Either that or they're acting stupid for the boys that are with them. I hate it either way.

--C.A. is not an accurate abbreviation for California.

--making your college decision on whether the school has a color guard team is a mistake.

--each high school group of girls still consists of: the cute friend, the funny friend, the girl with a boyfriend and the girl who everyone wonders how she is in the group in the first place. Good to know that that hasn't changed.

College fairs...I'm over them. Last one (until November) tonight!!

Two other things:

1--last night, one of the high school counselors walked around the fair with Purel hand sanitizer for us. That's nice--we shake hands all night, and I'm sure people who are concerned about germs are grossed out by that. However, she gave some to the guy next to me, who said thanks, to which she replied "Sure, it's always good to have a little sanitizer on hand." I laughed out loud...she looked at me...she did not laugh. Pun clearly NOT intended.

2--also last night, another rep sitting to my left (this matters) and I were conversing about the number of kids with facial piercings at the event. This was actually a weird stand out at the event--there were at least 30 under-18-year-olds with multiple lip, eyebrow, ear, nose, tongue, etc piercings. Different. Anyway, the girl is from a really small, really conservative Christian school, and told me all about how facial piercings are a sign of internal conflict, and are another way of cutting, self-mutilation, etc. As I knew it would only get more awkward, I turned my head to pretend to look behind me so she could see my nose ring, at which point she said "Well I'm sure not everyone who does it does it for those reasons..."

Purchased nail files last night, because I go crazy without. 86 cents...to good use!!!

oh yeah...

...a lady in the baby clothes section at Macy's (see uncomfortably long post below) referred to her three year old niece as "a total clothes whore."

I haaaate those little toddler whores.

here's something I hate

...when people say "prior to the beginning of..."

Really? Before the beginning of the beginning of?

Come on.

on the road...again.

So I've been back up in Sac for a couple days, with no down time to do anything awesome...or even a little cool. But I have several things to confess:

the isht I've bought:
-a baby gift
-a little kid bday gift
-a Christmas gift
-an iPod cord

Chord? Cord.

So I bought something for myself...but I felt like it was necessary...because I really need to be able to listen to my books on tape up here.

HOWEVER

I was SO HAPPY to be purchasing something again when I needed a baby gift that I may have gone a little crazy in the mall. Not like "bought everything" crazy, but more like "lost my mind a little" crazy.

So I was in Bakersfield (for work...and noooo other reason), and the girl who helps me coordinate the college fair up there told me that she is pregnant. Now...we are friends, but we're not FRIENDS friends...I would go to lunch with her, but I wouldn't invite her to my quincenera, you know? And we do share a love of designer denim. But I see her once a year, every year, in late September. The first time we met, she was dating, then dating again the next year, then just engaged the next year, just married last year, and just pregnant this year. They just found out that it's a girl.

So clearly, I felt like baby girl needed a present.

Did I tell you that I really love other people's kids? Not all of them, I guess, but I LOVE my friends' kids. I want to be everyone's Craaaazy Aunt Shannon. And I LOVE to buy things for people I LOVE to love.

Anyway, I was so excited for my once-a-year-friend, and perhaps a little fueled by the fact that I hadn't even walked into a mall for a month, and went to the glorious Bakersfield Town Center.

Not even Towne Centre. Just Town Center.

I also have to tell you that when I'm in gift mode, I have this idea in my head as to what the gift is going to be, and if I can't make that exact gift happen, I'm EXTREMELY disappointed. The recipient would have no idea what I intended, but I do, and when I give it to them, all I can think is "oh man...it would have been so much better if only I'd been able to find ______!", and it ruins it.

So I had this perfect gift in mind, and went to Nordstrom. Oh wait--there isn't one in Bakersfield. There isn't one for HOURS. So I just stood in the mall for a while, and tried to convince myself that I could come up with an equally cute back up gift.

Oh yeah, and when my perfect gift idea gets messed up, I also become really frenetic and buy a bunch of unrelated things for no reason other than the fact that I don't have a perfect gift in mind.

So I decided that I was going to get the new girl some baby jeans. I mean, that's about how deep my friendship with her mom goes, because I see her once a year, so it made sense. Because great gifts have to connect to something bigger!! And they have to be awesome. And they have to make sense.

Sidenote--one time I labored over a gift for my favorite two year old, and ended up (after an hour) with a toy cell phone because he always used to pretend to call me on my cell phone. What a meaningful gift...for a two year old. What the heck. Which two year old sits down and thinks "I mean, gifts are great, but this gift...this gift is something special...because this gift connects to something so much bigger." He probably would have had more fun with a Bumbleball.

Remember those?

Back. So anyway, the jeans present, in my mind, wouldn't be cute or meaningful if they weren't some sort of designer jeans. That's a little embarrassing to admit. In fact, I was embarrassed to myself at the moment I thought that, so I immediately went to Old Navy and found a pair of baby jeans for like $4. Amazing, right? But I (completely seriously) stood in the store for a full 45 minutes, and couldn't make myself buy them. Her mom and I don't connect over ill-fitting Old Navy jeans. We connect over delicious designer jeans that we try to get on sale when we can. So I put the Old Navy jeans back. They weren't very cute anyway.

I also went into Gymboree and some other kid store, but those also were not up to par. I did, though, in each of those stores, frenetically-almost-purchase about ten other things, because I kept thinking "WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND THE PERFECT JEANS WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND THE PERFECT JEANS?" (in caps, for sure)

On a whim, I went into the Gap, in hopes that there would be a Baby Gap in the back. There was not, and that was a mistake. I almost left there with a pair of khakis, because we have to wear them on our Preview Days at work, and my khakis are sick (not in the cool way), some spray scent, juuust because I used to love it in college, and a headband (I have never worn headbands). But after a little internal battle, I left, sans anything for me. Whew.

I finally ended up in Macy's, which was second best, I guess. I found some cute baby Hurley (as designer as kids clothes at Macy's go) jeans...baby skinny jeans...come on...that were what I wanted.

Then I decided that the gift would only be perfect if I got her THREE pairs...one 0-3 mos, one 3-6 and one 6-9 pair. I mean, what good are pseudo-expensive (not really--just expensive for tiiiiny ones. If I could find my size for that price, I would put them on and immediately pee in them.




What??) jeans if the new girl can only wear them for three months?

So, America, here was one of the first compromises I've ever made between a gift and myself and haven't left feeling like a gift failure: I bought one pair of baby jeans and an on sale tank top, and was done with it.

Cheers, cheers. One step on the eternal road to not being a crazed shopper for the rest of my life.

And new mom loved it, and I felt okay about it.

That was a long story with no real purpose. Sorry about that.

Anyway, since then, I've purchased a kid birthday gift (no need to go into that story), and an iPod cord. Chord. Cord. And one small Christmas present. But it was really small...and seasonal...so I had to buy it now.



Oh, by the way, I just gave a PLNU presentation to a group of about 50 with the middle button of my shirt open.

Awesome. And I thought they were all smiling because I was doing a good job.

state mandated sexual harrassement training (but not like "how to sexually harass," more like "it's bad!")

After spending my required one hour, 57 minutes perusing my work’s state mandated sexual harassment training, I was struck with the idea that sexual harassment can happen in many ways that I didn’t even realize. I wanted to share this with you, my friends, using some of the photos used in the official training.

Please take your time in considering your answers...sexual harassment can hurt a lot of people, and can happen without everyone knowing it.

Sexual harassment…or one woman talking to another woman about how their clothes are outdated?

Sexual harassment…or a photo shoot where the models were told to appear “wanton”?

Sexual harassment…or a teenage boy looking past a teenage girl who is angry that she almost ran into a large column?

Sexual harassment…or a girl angry because she doesn’t have a computer?

Sexual harassment…or two people?

Sexual harassment…or a nice lady with bangs trying to share in a joke that the mustachioed man didn’t find funny?

Sexual harassment…or a woman distracted by her coworkers child-like tiny hands?

Sexual harassment…or a man casting a Wiccan spell on a passer-by?

Sexual harassment…or actual assault?

Sexual harassment…or a man with eye makeup being disturbed by a man who has very clearly had either a face or a scalp transplant?

Sexual harassment…or a man trying to warn a woman that their office is being swallowed into a vortex?

Sexual harassment…or a poor-quality photograph?

Sexual harassment…or painful nose injury?

Sexual harassment…or a guy with a cardigan dancing in front of a math problem?

Sexual harassment…or the library?

Sexual harassment…or a girl about to start something fierce?

Sexual harassment…or all the life being sucked out of that woman because of the extreme colors that surround her?

Sexual harassment…or a girl unsure as to whether she should go left or up?

Please contact me if you want to discuss any of these situations…especially if you have found yourself in any of these situations, and now, find yourself unsure where to turn. Also, maybe see if you can get HR to let you get a few minutes off of your required time in your training.

I call this one...

"This guy died."

sweet memories

I'm so, so over work at this moment that I can barely breathe.

So I'm reliving this moment with you all. From Fall Travel last year...

How much do I use the word "so," right??? And, as you can see, even a year ago, I was predicting my early death. For good reason.

So I was driving on the 50 (Capitol City Freeway, HEY OH!), looooving
that my rental car has 21 preset buttons on the radio, when I stumbled
upon one of my ulta-favo songs of all time, Sexual Healing, just as it
started! I, of course, was singing along with all my might, and after
verse and chorus one, noticed that the car to my left in the carpool
lane was matching my speed. Obviously I looked over, and continued to
sing along (I could never compromise my own and the song's integrity by
NOT singing it when it comes on the radio, even when it could
potentially be extremely embarrassing). Good news--the person next to
me was singing along too. In fact, BETTER news, because the other
driver was, in the truest sense of the word, a thug--extra 30 pounds,
bandanna and everything. We shared a
knowing-through-the-sunglasses-look, which I interpreted to be "Yeah,

Marvin Gaye! Yeah!" It is this naivete that will likely lead to my
early and untimely death one day.
Anyway, I continued to drive for 30 more minutes to my current location,
It's a Grind in Rocklin, CA. When I parked and got out, a car slowly
drove by behind me. Guess who? That's right. My radio thug friend.
He'd either followed me for 30 minutes, through about 10 turns off the
freeway, or also wanted an It's a Grind.
I looked at him, my face probably conveyed the shock/panic that I felt,
and he drove away.



And back to 2009, I call this one "this guy is living my flipping life," because it's a HUGE goal of mine now to visit OF, call someone and have them see me on the camera.

coffee in bako

Frank told me that if Twitter is like mini-Facebook-status-updates, this blog was like maxi-Twitter.

In that trend...I am at an indie coffee shop in Bako, and here are the people in it with me:

--a guy in ill fitting khaki pants, a t-shirt, and really, really expensive Italian leather shoes that are too pointy for even me to appreciate
--an old cop in full uniform
--a biker (like a road bike...not a motorcycle) wearing full spandex, his helmet (still strapped) and ear buds, even though he's talking to...
--a guy completely covered in tattoos. Literally. Face and all.
--two guys wearing those heavy lifting belts that they wear at Costco and Home Depot (not sitting together, or connected at all, to my observation), one of whom is wearing it over a "1-800-radiator" t-shirt.
--a person whose gender is indecipherable.
--a guy wearing extremely dirty tan shorts, a Maravich jersey and Vans with laces, but no socks (who just started talking to Biker and Tattoo) who ordered a mocha "with extra love"

I'm just wearing a purple dress, typing away on work emails, and I'm the weird one. I keep catching people looking at me.

Bakersfield.

One of the lifting belt guys just waited until the barista was looking away, took all the newspapers from the bin, and bailed.

another reason I will certainly die an early death

first of all:
since panini night, I've only purchased gasolina

not shopping is really boring.

So I'm pretty sure that I'm going to die a really early death because I make really poor choices...more often than I should...and more often than anyone who isn't a kid.

For example:
This one time, when I was in college on a debate trip, I was in a hotel room with my friend and teammate LeAnn, who was asleep, when someone knocked on the door. It was some tall guy...he asked to use our restroom...and for no real reason, I let him in.

That's straight out of...not even a horror movie. It couldn't be out of a horror movie, because no one would believe that anyone would actually let a stranger into her hotel room at 11 p.m.

Anyway, by the luck of the Irish (just kidding, I'm sure it was Jesus), I'm pretty sure this guy was just acting on a bet, because he used the restroom (during which I woke up LeAnn basically by saying "Soooo...I let someone into our hotel room..." and she was pretty pissed [for good reason]), then asked to sleep on our couch, at which point LeAnn made him leave (thanks again). No harm done...but I'm not really sure how.

I also often forget to check the peephole when people knock, I always give money to people on street corners (and legitimately think that they're buying food with it) and if you read earlier, I inadvertently propositioned the front desk guy in NorCal.

So tonight...I'm in beautiful Bakersfield, CA for a PL Info Night and a college fair, and I had the worst allergy moment ever. My poor coworker Buddy was setting up the Info Night, and I went to the hotel front desk to ask where the sundries shop to get any kind of allergy medicine. As it turns out, they didn't have a sundries shop, and referred me to the Costco across the street. Unfortunately, I didn't need 200 allergy tabs. So as I was walking away, an older employee named Salvador (name tag!) called me over to the counter where he was working, reached into his pocket and said "I've also had the allergies today...itchy eyes...you have itchy eyes?" I did. "And the sneeze?" I DID have the sneeze! "You try these--I feel so much better." And he handed me two pills. In my defense, they were packaged, but the writing was sort of rubbed off of the back. It said Advil Cold and Sinus at one point...I think...not sure when. And with less than a thought, I took these two pills some stranger gave me.

Really?

Really.

As it turned out, I'm pretty sure they were totally legit Advil, because I feel about 90% better and got through the Info Night like a breeze.

Who takes medication from a stranger????

I am like a kid...in the worst way. My bad, my bad. I'm working on having these realizations when these things are happening, as opposed to several hours later.

Cheers.

I call this one "let's all wear our white shirts!"

untitled

the isht I've bought:
-panini supplies.

Thanks to my great Aunt (she's really great, not great like once removed), Cousin and I now have a profesh panini maker. It's amazing based on looks alone. So we decided to break it in last night with some friends...and it's also amazing based on performance. I had a garlic hummus turkey tomato cheese, and I'm still thinking about it.

Thanks Mood. It was totally worth the panini supplies, which existed of turkey, cheese (havarti--where have you been all my life?), tomatoes and hummus (surprise).

So here's something I do that I don't tell everyone about: I watch Old Faithful's webcam. Not like "sometimes I click over to see what's going on at OF"...I always have it open on my computer, and sometimes, I stare at it through entire phone conversations. It's soothing. I don't know why.
But as if that weren't weird/creepy enough, I've recently started saving some of my favorite screen shots, giving them a title, and compiling them in a desktop folder exclusively for OF pictures.

I call this one "it's just so romantic here let's get married":

SOME THINGS

This is not going to be that awesome. Just needed to say some things IN CAPS.

FIRST OF ALL...I AM GETTING AN OWL TATTOO. I don't know when...I sure don't know where...but I'm getting it. AND THE REASONS ARE PLENTIFUL.

SECOND, I ACTUALLY LIKE THE SONG "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT." And not even as a sports anthem. I just like it. It's catchy.

Those things made receiving this in an email today THE BEST EVER.

I think my student intern just made fun of me

Her: "Flowers--those are so pretty! Who are they from?"
Me: "Cat--she got them for me for helping her out at the event last week."
Her: "The last two times you've had flowers in here, they've been from your parents...that's cute..."

Me: Boom...roasted (in my mind)

here's something I hate

Those things that you have to type in the box when you want to do anything online.

Why, when I purchase concert tickets, post blog comments, buy something on eBay, or anything ever, do I have to type crazy words and codes? I got it when it was a verification that I wasn't a robot, and I had to type "c37ds" (are you sure you're not a robot? are you SURE?), but it was sort of hard to make out because it was in a crazy font or curved or something...but today, in order to sign up for the FREE Hilton Dining Points program (which is awesome), I had to type "rosencrans ethereal." Really? Also, if some robot wants to sign me up to get free points, do it. Don't make it jump through hoops!

And let's not lie...no robot out there is buying me stuff on my eBay account...and honestly, if it was, I'm sort of interested in what it would buy for me.

the isht I bought and DIDN'T buy...

...well, I did buy it, but a long time ago.

T-shirts!!! Some of my favo purchases are t-shirts...sometimes for me, but mostly for gifts. And I got one for my brother and sister in law for Christmas, and since they don't read this, I can tell you that my brother's says "If your pants are on first, being a liar becomes less important." Come on...that's funny.

Here are some favos that I've purchased...two for me. Which two, you ask? Guess.











I'm home now, so here's the other isht I've purchased:
-groceries. I haven't made a full grocery trip since...I don't know...May? It was refreshing.
-two delicious Soup Plantations...it's not my fault...it was for a bday celebration!! Don't hate...I love that place so much. Baked potatoes fo-evah!
-pizza, for the premiere party of Community.

That's all, that's all, that's all.

Not surprisingly, it's all food related. I think that may be the only thing I love more than shopping.

So an interesting thing happened to me on Saturday. I was taking a nap, because I got in from the road at 9 a.m., and I was really tired, and I started awake for some reason (I'm sure it was for some crazy dream that I can't remember) and sat straight up. In doing so, my blanket hooked onto my nose ring. Said nose ring is bent three times, so it goes into my nose, then makes a V shape (v-shape ha)that lays against the inside of my nose. When the blanket hooked, it pulled the ring out two bends, so one little tug and that thing would've been out,leaving a hole in my nose. Another hole, I guess I should say. I was so half-asleep that I didn't know what to do, so I sat there for probably 15 seconds just going "aaahhhhoooowwwww" before I could think clearly enough to push that thing back in and unhook it. It hurt a little. Actually, more than a little...but not a lot.

That's it. That was the whole story.

My life's a lot more interesting when I'm on the road.

an open letter to my rental car GPS

Dear GPS--

I know there are Paneras closer to me than LA. I am looking at one right now. Stop telling me the closest one is in LA. And please...when I enter a destination, I will be upset every time that you tell me that I've arrived at my destination, when in fact, I have arrived at an empty field, or an abandoned warehouse. Also, your only job is to get me to the right place via streets and freeways. Ergo, the fact that you pronounce the word "boulevard" "bawugh-lee-vard" is not acceptable. Finally, the fact that I cannot make changes to my destination while moving is unrealistic. I do not know at what point I will want to eat lunch in my four hour car trip, and should not be expected to come to a complete stop on the freeway in order to see what restaurants are around me. Coming to a complete stop on the freeway will likely lead to my death, but I almost did it a few times, just to prove a point.

However, I do owe you and apology for hitting you against the dashboard all those times.

Best--

Shannon Hutchison

super annoying high school visit that no one else will care about

locked="false" priority="64" semihidden="false" unhidewhenused="false" name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2">

I just had to get this off my chest.

So I walked into this college center this morning to a (fat) lady (with a man's name), sitting at a desk. This ensues:

Me: "Hi I'm Shannon from Point Loma..." (hand extended)

Her: stares at me. This is the point in the traditional high school visit where a counselor usually greets me back, as they knew that I was coming because of our repeated email and phone contact, and the confirmation packet I sent.

Me: "Just here for my college visit...?" (hand still extended)

Her: "You don't want to shake my hand, I have bronchitis."

Me: "Oh...I'm sorry about that"

Her: "Am I expecting you?" (I don't know. Am I hungry? You tell me.)

Me: "Uh (and it takes a lot for me to start a sentence with UH), I'm not sure? You're on my schedule..."

Her: "Well you're not on mine."

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry about that. I may have gotten the wrong date." (no I did not.)

Her: "I don't have you on my calendar at all. But I have a lot of interested students, so can we schedule something?"

Me: (I know, because the list of students I sent you in my confirmation packet was pretty big) "I'm sorry--I don't have my calendar with me, but I will definitely call you ASAP." (I have no open spaces to come back to Rocklin)

Her: "Look at you...aren't you all dolled up? I guess black is the thing this Fall." (I can't tell, at this point, if she's trying to make up for me coming all the way over there, or if she just likes my dress).

Me: (yeah, black is pretty new, as far as business trends go) "Ha ha (fake fake), oh thanks, I sure do have a lot of black. Well let me leave you with some information about PLNU, and I'll be sure to reschedule with you soon!"
Her: "Ok, ok, thanks."

See email chain below. GIVE ME BACK MY CONFIRMATION PACKET!!!

---

Terrific, see you then.

---

930 is perfect. Thanks so much—I’ll look forward to seeing you then!

Shannon

Shannon Hutchison

Assistant Director of Undergraduate Admissions

Point Loma Nazarene University

619.849.2541

800.733.7770

How about 9:30? Will that work??

---

Thursday would be great—do you have any time in the morning?

Thanks again!

Shannon

Shannon Hutchison

Assistant Director of Undergraduate Admissions

Point Loma Nazarene University

619.849.2541

800.733.7770

Monday doesn’t work but I can do Wed. or Thurs.

---

Good evening—

I’m looking forward to my fourth year on the road representing Point Loma Nazarene University in NorCal, and would love a chance to visit your students. I will be in your area on the morning of Monday, September 14. Do you happen to have any time on the calendar that day for a college visit?

I hope your summer has been great…I can barely believe it’s almost over.

Best--
Shannon

Shannon Hutchison

Assistant Director of Undergraduate Admissions

Point Loma Nazarene University

619.849.2541

800.733.7770

I thought it was Thursday all day...

...and kept telling my coworkers that I'd see them tomorrow.

I won't.

It's only Wednesday.

The isht I bought today:
-a grocery store sando (my favorite!)
-Boston Market (those still exist)

So I think that the front desk guy thinks I'm trying to seduce him.

Night number three here--I demagnetized my hotel key. I'm surprised it took me that long--I ALWAYS mess up those things. So I tried the key, it did not work, I went back down and asked the night desk guy to re-mag, he asked my number, and fixed it. I went back up, tried it again, and it still did not work, so I went back down, and the guy re-fixed it, and said he'd come back up with me to try it, so I wouldn't have to come back down. That was nice. Anyway, it worked right away, andI looked like an idiot.

Next night, tried the key, did not work, went down, same guy working, so I just said "3-1-7." He just looked at me. I pushed my key toward him. He looked at me. I said "Oh sorry I demagnetized my key again...sorry..."

Pretty sure he thought that I was trying to invite him up.

Don't worry, tonight I completely forgot my key. He was working again. I told him what I'd done, and he said "well we'll just have to go up and get it..." Not what I was expecting, so I said "Oh, really? I thought you could just give me another one." He said "Oh, yeah, I can." And he did.

Pretty sure he was trying to invite himself up, and I'm PRETTY sure he thought he would be welcome.

Schmonday and Tueshday

I'm at the It's A Grind in Roseville (as is another rep, who I didn't recognize, but he said "pslam" when I walked in. Awesome) and there is a guy setting up a keyboard.
That's weird. It's four p.m...not really jam time.

Is there a jam time?

The isht I bought:
Yesterday--
coffee
one amazing pastry
some noodles and chicken at Panda Express

Today--
coffee
sun-gs

So yesterday was a wild day of driving...I was on the road for eight hours and twenty minutes. Over that. Too bad everything up here is SO spread out. But that helped in the great un-shop of 2009...shopping in the car is real hard.

Also, I passed a place (three times, actually) called "Wholey Ravioli," whose tagline is "Authentic Italian." I refuse to believe that any authentically Italian place would call itself Wholey Ravioli. At LEAST go with Holy! Wholey? What's the joke? You get whole raviolis? I sort of expect that.

Now there are two women crocheting a blanket together. Where I am I??

So I bought some sun-gs...and it was momentous. I think I have some sort of disorder. I've been driving around for two days with a headache because it's so damn bright outside, so in between high school four and five today, I put Nordstrom into the GPS so I could just buy some. I chose Nordstrom, mind you, because the BP in Nordstrom has $10 glasses, which was my newly imposed limit. However, my GPS took me to a Nordstrom Rack...no BP...no $10 sun-gs...but I didn't have time to seek out a real store before my next appointment. I was nervous about going into the Rack, and for good reason. Here is the short list of things I almost bought:

--flat shoes, because I had to pee, which meant walking by the shoes, and I almost convinced myself that my feet were hurting and needed a break before the college fair. My feet do not hurt.
--a black long sleeved t-shirt, because it's almost getting cold up here and I don't have one
--two tank tops, because they were only $10 and I could use them on the road
--red nail polish, because I didn't bring one of the eleven bottles of red nail polish that I have at home, and I might want to paint my toes...I mean...I'm not spending money on pedicures, right?

Pause--Bananarama's Cruel Summer is on in the coffee shop, but the jam band (now a keyboard, guitar and some drum thing) is playing over it. COME ON.

--my perfume, because it was on sale, and I will run out of what I have within four months
-a Fall themed welcome mat, because it's for the house, not me
--shampoo, because my hair isn't reacting well to the soft water here...and somehow new shampoo would help that
--a scarf. No reason.

Seriously...I picked up each one of these items and mentally fought with the justification. Then, once I was done and looking only at sun-g's, I actually had this thought:

"well since I didn't spend any money on that other stuff, I can look at designer glasses!"

What
the
hell?

Anyway, I realized my ridiculous-ness, made fun of myself, and found the cheapest glasses there that I didn't hate. They weren't in my $10 limit, but they were relatively cost effective, and since my last ones cost .006 cents a day, I think I'm ok.

One last word: Sacramento radio is the flipping best. I like it even better than LA. I have my presets memorized for when I'm here, and they are:
-hip hop/top 2o station
-90s station
-oldies station
-NPR
-70s and 80s station
-dance station
-another hip hop/top 20 station
-some college independent station

And all are amazing. Another purchase withheld is a cord for my iPod, because I forgot my FM transmitter, but I have successfully avoided any Best Buys (I always leave with seasons of something), so I am ONLY radio listening this trip. Cool...not easy with nine hours in the car...but impossible in SD, where radio is the worst.

College fair.

P.S. from a kid at a Christian high school this morning; "your school doesn't have drinking on campus? Over it!!!"
Huh-larious.

Sunday...26 doughnuts.

The isht I bought since last night:
-a bottle of water (I hate airport water with the twisty top...you know the kind)
-two fish tacos at 10 p.m.
-26 doughnuts
-a coffee box
-a coffee
-lunch at Panera

Extremely exciting so far. The Naz is taking care of me, and I can't lie...eating is my favorite part of Fall Travel.

And the doughnuts and coffee were for a bunch of high schoolers this morning...I didn't even eat one.

So I had an hour in the car this morning to get to Fairfield for a church visit...my fav youth group that on my region...well...one of them, at least. Get this--they have four morning services--the first one at an elem school, then one across town (don't forget that town is Fairfield, so it's like 6 minutes away) at a warehouse, then another at the elem school, and another at the warehouse. And the students have separate classes that run opposite the services.

And I got to hear one of the other leaders speak, and he's cool. I guess he used to be in jail and was a big partier until he got churchy, and now he tries to keep these students out of trouble. One of the kids (he's 16) apparently got a neck tattoo a couple of weeks ago out of some guy's garage, and the speaker is so worried that this kid isn't going to get a job that he offered to pay for the kid to get the tattoo removed on his neck and relocated somewhere cover-up-able. Come on...that's the kind of church person I like.

It also led to me hearing this conversation:
Mike: "On your neck though...how many of your friends have neck tattoos?"
Kid: "I don't know...one guy I can think of"
Mike: "Is it gang related? Was he in jail?"
Kid: "No..."
Mike: "Are you sure? What's the tattoo?"
Kid: "Music notes"
Mike: (long pause) "Is he gay?"

Thank you for that.

Against my better judgment, I pulled into a new shopping center because I assumed it would have a Panera and I needed some wireless. There are so many good stores here, including a new DSW.

Pause for a second--I'm pretty sure I just ate someone else's lunch. I got a different soup than I wanted, but I went back and forth so maybe the girl was confused...but I'm pretty sure I ordered a turkey sando and I just ate a chicken sando. Oops.

Anyway, I'm here and about to read rather than walk around.

Things going on around me:
--a guy and a girl who aren't in a relationship (with each other) having some sort of accountability meeting in which they are sharing personal things about their respective relationships. So weird. And they're not even trying to keep it on the low. I almost wrote that I'm trying not to listen, but I'm not.
--a Julie and Julia book club meeting. Did I mention the two ladies I sat next to on the plane last night were also reading it? I think everyone is.
--this:
Why order two bread bowls if you aren't going too eat any of the bread?

Two important developments today:
--my sun-gs broke. The arm fell off. And not "the screw fell out"...the metal just broke. However, I worked it out, and those little guys cost me, per day since I got them, .006 cents.

--I put in new contacts this morning, and I had them in the wrong eyes until an hour ago. I just thought I was getting used to them. I wasn't. I almost crashed three times because I had my contacts in the wrong eyes.

Amen.

The Isht I Buy

So after years of wildly abusing my own finances like a child, I've decided to try and be accountable.

I chose now because #1--I'm no longer even in my mid-20s, where financial irresponsibility is cute and cool, and #2--I'm about to head out on Fall Travel for work, which means recruiting for most people, and financial ruin for me. When I'm out there on the road all alone and all the work is done...I either eat or I shop. And I get full quickly.

The worst of it all is that shopping is so easily justifiable on Fall Travel. I'm not paying for gas, food...anything, really, so it seems totally fine to go to the mall and spend $100. Or $500. Let's be honest...it's usually closer to $500 buy the end of things. Maybe more...but I don't really know...because I don't keep track so I don't feel guilty.

Anyway, I'm leaving for Fall Travel tomorrow, and I have vowed, both personally and to my coworkers (and now to the world...or at least the world who Googles "isht"), that this is the year of no unnecessary purchase on the road. I figure since nothing else has worked, the fear of public humiliation for failing may keep me on track. Also, I hear this is how the morbidly obese lose weight--by writing down everything they eat, looking at it at night and crying and crying.

It is my goal to do the same...but not really...because I should have nothing to write down. Also, I just hate crying.

Here's why it's going to suck: because I'm on the road longer than I have been since 2004, and despite my shorter travel schedule, I have still managed to spend so much money.

Here are the broad strokes:

--Okay things: books and movies (theaters, not DVDs at the Best Buy...even that's too much for me to handle), because I have to have SOMETHING besides shopping to do.

--The one thing I actually need to buy on the road: a new pair of sun-g's. I think any of you can attest that my two year old $4.80 sun-g's are long past their prime...and I think one of the arms is on it's last leg (get it?), so I need a new pair before these are totally out of commission. You can probably also attest that I'm a wreck without sun-g's. I have sensitive eyes. Just look at my website picture for work...I think I'm actually crying. Actually, don't look at it. Anyway, I tried to buy these before travel, but my cap of $7 didn't get me anything. I'm hoping NorCal has more to offer my eyes.

--Nokay things--anything else. No work clothes, no Christmas presents (the easiest for me to justify), no "just needed these sandals because my feet were hurting".

I think those are all the rules. I figure that you're reading this, you know me already, so maybe just send me a message while I'm out that is like "get out of the mall!!!"...or something.

Fingers crossed.