I know it "should be working"... that's why I'm calling you.

Statements that I believe should be banned from any customer service oriented job:

"It should be working."
Right, I figured that, so when it wasn't working, I called you.  If I'd thought that it shouldn't be working, I would have been really happy this morning when it didn't work.


"As I previously mentioned..."
I'm totally guilty of this one, but didn't realize it until it was spouted at me the other day.  I either heard you the first time, but still don't understand, or I didn't hear you the first time.  Either way, there's really nothing accomplished by reminding me that you already said something. 


"I don't know what else to tell you."
If you really, truly are just out of things to tell me, transfer me to your supervisor. We totally both win--I get to someone who DOES know what else to tell me, and you're off the hook for running out of things.


"That's completely normal."
I get that this is a case by case thing, but lately, I've been told some really abnormal things are "completely normal," like my email not sending or receiving messages for the first 20 minutes I start it each morning, or Outlook taking more than 15 minutes to shut down, or Outlook freezing if I attempt to shut it down without first closing the reminder box.
First of all, if this really is "completely normal," something is effing wrong with Outlook, and we shouldn't be using it.
Second, if this is "completely normal," why doesn't it happen to ANYONE ELSE IN MY OFFICE?!
Third, and finally, thisisntcompletelynormal.  Just tell me you can't fix it and move on.


"You're gonna need to hang up and call..."
EFF.  TRANSFER ME.  HAVE THEM CALL ME.  ANYTHING.  Just assume that I don't have a pen handy, and don't want to start back at ground zero (#neverforget) where I have to restate that I want to continue in English, restate my account number, restate my billing zip code, restate that I'm the account holder, restate that I have an issue concerning service, relisten to you telling me to try the website (trust me...I already did that 11 times before calling), reconfirm my identity, restate my issue, reconfirm that yes, it is plugged in, yes, I did try turning it off for five full minutes, and no, it still doesn't work and relisten to you tell me that "It should be working."  Please just get me to someone who reads the notes you've already taken. 

I'm just saying...if our business is to serve customers, maybe we should all work a little harder on doing that.