Replies to my faithful blog follower comments

Friends, I have been truly blessed by your comments.  To see that my blog posts about my dear, dead Uncle Williams have touched so many of your lives has warmed my heart.

Update: I have yet to receive the inheritance that was promised me, but I have faith that it's coming soon!  I did, after all, send my Western Union form!

Back to the comments:  If only I was able to reply to each of the hundreds of wonderful, very related-to-my-blog comments I receive each day!!  But I would love to take the time to reply to these few, very relevant, very thoughtful, very thought provoking comments regarding my post.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "More e-spam...OR...I'm about to get RICH":

Every person who love their garage and doing work in a long period of
time your garage looks better but the cleaning of
stains, and harsh solvents, you can apply garage floor paint.
Preparing Your Concrete Garage FloorBefore the garage floor paint is preparation of the floor more
difficult. 

Dear Anonymous,

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for you taking the time to reply to my blog.  I can tell that you truly understand my plight from your thoughtful, eloquent commentary.  Without even me saying it, you know that I am a girl who LOVES her garage.  For me, it's more in theory, because I don't have a garage, but sometimes, late at night, when I'm alone, I'll be lying in bed, thinking about a garage I may have one day, and just loving it.
 
In those fantasies of mine, I'm constantly doing work in a long period of time, and my garage is looking better, because of the cleaning of stains, and harsh solvents, and I can apply garage floor paint.  It's just so...I don't know...fulfilling...to be so involved in the upkeep of my fantasy garage!

But here's something I am never able to come to terms with--HOW do I even PREPARE my concrete garage FLOORBEFORE the garage floor paint is preparation of the floor more difficult??!!

If you could just explain that, I'd be so grateful.

Thank you!
Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "More e-spam...OR...I'm about to get RICH":

It always only means that, if it is not started gradually.

Patients with eczema have skin that is exposed to light, the less
chance you will get a tan or darken. There are basically three ways that folks use this is a pretty heavy substance,
you'll want to perhaps use the oil at least for the first time you try it.

The Mayo Clinic reports that as we age, the fatty substances,
as well as other snack foods.

Here is my homepage; coconut oil face moisturizer

Dearest Anonymous,

Thank you for this information!  I really resonate with your opening sentiment--I am always starting things gradually to ensure that it doesn't always only mean that.

I am a little confused, though, as to what in my post made you think I have eczema.  I...do not have that.  I am not really sure what it is, even.  But it doesn't make a lot of sense to me that anyone's skin has LESS chance of getting tanned by being in the light--from what little I understand about science, this seems like not science.

I'm also a little confused as to the "substance" you're referring to--am I eating something, or using it on my body?  This has really seemed to take a strange turn.

I do really respect the Mayo Clinic though, so I'll work on the snack thing.  But wait--am I pro or con snacks?  It's just kind of hard to tell.  Please clarify.

Thanks,
Shannon




Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "More e-spam...OR...I'm about to get RICH":

So, you see, that I would get a loofah and vigorously massage my skin, cutting out large pieces, and stitching the remaining bits back together.
Stretch marks on the buttocks, hips, breasts, thighs, hands, breasts, upper coconut oil for stretch marks arms, under arms and forearms.

At the same time, you will realize that there's stretchmarks as well as aloe vera coconut oil for stretch marks and vitamin E.

Also visit my weblog ... coconut oil for stretch marks during pregnancy


Dear Anonymous,

I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS.

Anonymous...friend...stretchmarks are a part of life.  No matter where they appear (thank you for the list though--you're clearly very familiar with parts of the body--excellent work), even if they're a concern, they're a part of life.  Cutting out large pieces of your skin is a HORRIBLE way to address this concern!

First of all, missing large pieces of skin is going to be MUCH more noticeable than having stretchmarks, because at least when you have stretchmarks, it means that you have skin.  I guarantee that people will be much less disturbed by stretchmarks than they would be by the lack of them, if the lack of them also entails a lack of skin.

Second, and more practically: using a loofah to cut out any amount of your skin is a really, really inefficient strategy.  I can only imagine how much time and energy it would require to "cut" something with a soft, dull, edge-less item. If you really feel like you have a cut pieces of skin out, using something sharper would save you a lot of time, and probably lessen the pain. 

Third, if you're putting aloe and coconut oil in the gaping skin holes you've created..........just don't do that.  That's a big mistake.

Anonymous, I feel like this may be a sign of something bigger than you or I could handle.  You should really consider a visit to the Mayo Clinic.  If you're the same Anonymous as the last Anonymous who posted (it's hard to tell--apparently it's a much more common name than I realized.  Are you guys Greek?), you already know its reputation.

All my love,
Shannon

Re: the check I had to send to a pre-paid gift-card company.

So I had to mail a check to a pre-paid gift-card company, and I included this letter.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Card Services

Fiserv

455 South Gulph Road, Suite 405

King of Prussia, PA 19406

2 January 2014

Dear Card Services-

In response to the recent bill for $14.90 I received from you regarding my pre-paid gift-card, I wanted to reach out. 

When I received your bill, I polled the people I know.  While the overwhelming suggestion as to how to respond was to simply ignore the bill, some of the suggestions were pretty creative—my favorite being to send you a check for $20.00, and include an invoice to you for $5.10.

The sheer ridiculousness of that suggestion sheds light on the sheer ridiculousness of the bill I received from you. 

I test drove a car in October, and was told that for my time, I would be sent a pre-paid $50 gift-card.  When I received the card, I took the necessary steps to activate it, and used it for an initial purchase of around $25.  Then I took it to a local bookstore, accrued a $40 tab, handed the clerk my card and let her know to run the card for $25—the remaining balance on the card.  She attempted to, but said that the card was processed for the full $40.  We were both confused, and I told her that I must have been mistaken about the amount initially on the gift-card.  Early Merry Christmas to me—my $50 card must have been for $75!

Just kidding.  The following week, I received the attached letter, letting me know that I owed your organization for the excess charge, and a reminder that it was most definitely for sure my fault that I owed it—the “Cardholder Agreement” was referenced several times.

I’m paying my tab—I would forever regret by stubbornness if this ended up on my credit report and ruined my shot at qualifying for the best iPhone 6 deal ever in the future—but I felt that I owed it to you, to the bookstore clerk, to myself, and to society to let you know this:

Sending people gift-cards for $50, but allowing them to spend more than $50 on it is a really, really bad call.

Here’s why:

1—It makes you all look really shady. 

I’m not saying you ARE really shady, but yeah, it doesn’t look great for any legitimate business to operate by tricking their customers.  You may as well update your “Cardholder Agreement” to say “Congrats—you have $50 from us, OR more than that, depending on if the store where you run your card is able to split payments on more than one card, or if they have a system that runs the card for the amount left on the card.  In that case, liiiike…in the case that you shop at Barnes and Noble, you have an unknown amount of money from us…you’ll just have to wing it, then mail us a check at some point.  Probably.  But might be completely on the honor system…you’ll never know for sure if we would have taken this to a debt collector.  Merry Christmas!!!”

2—No one else does this. 

I like to consider myself a gift-card connoisseur.  I change my favorites every ten minutes, which means that no one is ever sure what to get me, so they get me gift-cards.   I’ve had all the pre-paids—Visa, MasterCard, mystery bank XX, the department store cards, the restaurant cards, the fast food cards, the boutique cards, the individually written cards from shops that give out gift-cards so rarely that they don’t have them mass-produced…and literally zero of them have ever, ever, ever allowed me to “overdraft” my card total.  Do they decline if the clerk tries to run them for more than is left on them?  Sure.  Do they run for only the balance of the card?  All the time.  Because that means that I only spend what’s actually on the card.  Smart.  Imitation-worthy.

3—This just seems like a REALLY bad business call.

What if I’d been car shopping instead of book shopping?!  Your only recourse would have been to sit down, write me a letter saying “Listen, you better send us a check, because YOU OWE US THAT MUCH AT LEAST SHANNON,” and were I not an honest (or credit-monitoring) person, I would have been like “Nope,” recycled that thing and driven off to Mexico in my new (free) VW.   Be honest…could I overdrafted my gift-card for $20,000?!  If yes, please let me know, because at that point, I’m no longer worried about my credit score.

4—Isn’t this also a waste of time and money for you??

I think we can all agree that it’s a waste of time for me—and a check, and a stamp, etc.  But it seems like you guys would have to be getting tired of sending these notices out.  And I cannot imagine that most people receive this and think “Oh, sure, let me go ahead and just send this gift-card company my money for their mistake,” right?  So you are either wasting MORE time and money on the follow-up, or wasting time and money on NOT following up, and having people completely blow you off (like I will always wonder if I should have), leaving you with an unpaid bill for however long, because there’s no due date.

 

Long story short, my check is attached, so hopefully my credit score will remain untarnished, and I imagine that the feedback of one girl with a pretty small gift-card isn’t even a blip on your radar.  However, it’s my New Year’s wish for you all that this policy is changed to save what I’m sure are countless others from the wasted time, check and stamp as a result of this extremely annoying policy, so I felt like I had to say it.

Best,

 

Shannon 

To all riders of bicycles:

Dear bicycle riders,

Let's share the road.

SERIOUSLY YOU A-HOLES.  LET'S SHARE THE ROAD.

Why?  Because "sharing the road" means we both have the same standards and privileges when we both ride on the road.  So sure, you can ride in the middle of the road even when cars are clearly trying so hard to pass-without-side-swiping-you, and you can hand signal your way across three lanes, and you can wait in the same line as the cars when you're stuck at the light...and when there's a stop sign, YOU HAVE TO STOP AT IT TOO. 

"Oh wait, I liked sharing the road better when it meant I got to choose rules that I followed and didn't."

I know, ass.  So does every four year old, but if someone's baby is riding a bike in front of me in the street, I'm going to call her mom. (wait what?)

Here's my deal: if you don't stop at stop signs, I will likely hit you with my car, and I'll be fine, and you'll die all over the road.  Then after you die, I'll carry around the guilt of killing you all my life, even though the only way I could have prevented your horrible death would have been to stop at the stop sign, like I did, then just stay stopped there for a while, because who effing knows when a bike may be coming and deciding that "sharing the road" means not actually sharing anything, but instead, doing whatever the hell s/he wants?

"But Shan, you clearly don't understand.  A bike is powered by my body, so if I had to stop at every stop sign, it would take so much energy and physical exertion!"

Uh yeah, you're riding a bike.  If expending energy is a problem for you, don't ride your bike.

"But Shan, riding a bike makes my carbon footprint so tiny."

So does walking. And people who walk always stop at stop signs, and I love them.

"But if I walk, I can't get to work fast enough."

Don't care don't care don't care.

"That's why I ride my bike--to reduce my carbon footprint and to get to work fast."

That's so great of and for you.  STOP AT THE STOP SIGNS.  That way, in addition to making the environment better and being punctual, you also decrease your chances of being run the hell over by 10000%*.


*science pending

This toilet totally hates you

Dear people,

EFF YOU. 
I'm the worst toilet ever, and I hate you.
You want to protect your hands from the germs that are all over my handle?  NO WAY BITCHES.  You either have to somehow manage a Karate-Kid-style flying crane kick in this 3x3 foot space that doesn't result in you falling into onto my very, very unsanitary floor, or you have to grab a bunch more toilet paper, wad it up, use it as a shield to pull that lever, then drop it in my bowl REAL fast, because if you miss that brief window, you'll have to pull, wad, flush and drop all over again, AND deal with everyone wondering just what you did in there to necessitate a double-flush.
Wearing a pencil skirt?  Try the Karate Kid kick.  Come on.  I dare you.
Oh, and here's another little surprise for you--there's pee drops all OVER my black seat, and you can't see them, because urine-yellow doesn't really stand out on black lacquer (blacquer [you're welcome]). 
"Oh, no problem, I'll notice the slowly spreading dots of suspicious liquid dampening my toilet seat cover when I carefully place it on the seat," you say.
Well joke's on you, jerks.  I don't offer toilet seat covers here, because the handy little space on the wall where it should be mounted is currently occupied by my TOWERING SKY-SCRAPER HANDLE.  So come on, have a seat, and only then feel someone else's cold pee on your ass-cheeks, when it's much too late to do anything about it.  Trust me, if they have the clap, you have it too.
At least my walls are really shiny, so you can watch yourself dealing with all of this.
So yeah, basically this isn't going to be a pleasant break for you.

Best wishes,
this toilet

The least helpful live chat of all time

I know everyone is supposed to hate the California DMV, but honestly, I haven't had an issue with it.  It's busy, yeah, it's crowded, yeah, you have to wait, yeah, but you know it going in, so it's not like you can't prep for it.  Just bring a book.  I'm for sure that girl who, when people complain about the DMV, say things like "well maybe make an appointment next time," or "I've never had an issue with their customer service..."

Anyway, I was cool with the DMV until JUST now.

I need to renew my license (PS--aren't they supposed to send you something about that?  The only way I knew because some bouncer in Vegas was like "Wow, you just have a week left to renew."  Thanks, stranger who isn't the DMV.), so I went online, filled out a bunch of stuff, clicked "renew," and was told that I don't qualify for online renewal, and to file a mail renewal.

Weird.

No reason why.

Whatever.  They don't owe me reasons.  I got your back, DMV.

So I clicked the "Contact Us" link, and was given the option to call OR live chat with "an agent."

I'm not sure why I always go for the live chat, but every time it's offered, I try it first.  88/88 times, it just confuses the issue.  Here's the conversation that ensued:

Agent 13:

Hello.

Shannon:

Good morning! Just trying to determine how I become eligible to renew my license online

Agent 13:

Your license for what??

*This was my favorite part of the conversation, because of the sheer incredulity that Agent 13 displays.  "WHO GAVE YOU A LICENSE?!"

Shannon:

Drivers' license

Agent 13:

Here is their website www.dmv.ca.gov,

*It was at this point that I knew that Agent 13 was not, in fact, an auto-responding-robot, like I often face on these live chats.  No robot would end a website with a comma, and no robot would direct me to the website on which I was chatting with said robot.

Shannon:

I've filled out the form, but it told me I'm not eligible, so I'm wondering how to become eligible.

Agent 13:

And if you should have problems with their site you can contact DMV 1.800.777.0133.

*There was about a two minute lag here while I waited for the agent to get through my sentence, realizing that I did not have any trouble with the form.  Also...why is there a chat support option if the chat support's role is to direct me to the website, then the phone?

Agent 13:

Call their number.

Shannon:

So there's nothing you can do to direct me?

Shannon:

I'm at work, and unable to call.

*Half true...I am at work.  But seriously, Agent...if I wanted to call "them" (isn't it "our"??), I wouldn't have chatted you.

Agent 13:

Go to their website and click on contact us.

Agent 13:

And see where that leave you.

Shannon:

Ha ha that's how I got here!

Chat Session Ended, Goodbye. (5010)

*1--Take a moment to appreciate the grammatical prowess of "And see where that leave you."

2--Take another moment to appreciate that Agent 13, someone paid to represent customer service for a statewide organization, just told me to "see where that leave you."  Save time next time, and just lead with "I'm uninterested in trying to take a moment to find the answer to your question...figure it out."

3--Final moment to appreciate how I just got chat-hung-up-on.

Of all the bad customer services experiences I've  had, this is easily top five.  Thanks, DMV.  I'm now on board with people totally hating you.

I don't care that you're using cloth diapers.

JUST KIDDING.  I totally care.  I just really hate it.

Caveat:  This post has nothing to do with any of my actual friends who use cloth diapers.  You know me...I don't tell you your business.  You go, Glencoco...use those clothies, and I support you!  This is only directed to people all over Facebook who are judging people who use disposable diapers (smaller caveat--this is almost all based on posts on the business page I manage for work, so they're not even my Facebook friends. #safe).

Caveats over...let's begin.

LISTEN.  SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT CLOTH DIAPERS.

I do not have kids, but if I do, I will be using disposable diapers.

"Umm, but do you know how many of them you use a day?"

Yeah.  That's not a surprise to anyone who isn't 16.

Here are my beefs (or can more than one issue still just be a singluar beef?  Tough call.) with cloth diapers.  These actually aren't in order of importance...you just have to guess which is more important to me.  Nail biter!

1--It's a big ol' waste of water.

Renewable resources: landfill space. Paper.
Non-renewable resources: fresh water. 
You cannot tell me that it's irresponsible to use disposable diapers without owning the fact that you're likely more than doubling the amount of laundry you're doing, unless you love letting shiz-soiled cloth sit around for days ("But it's in a container..." Gross.  Don't care.), which means your fresh water usage just jumped up uhhhbunch.  At worst, you're contributing to an impending drought that will wreck our homeland (check in with Al Gore).  At best, it's a total wash (pun intended) for moms who conserve water and use up paper and landfill space.  Stop judging.

2--Your hands are already all up in baby fluids all day.  Why add the additional risk of messing with adult fluids by getting super close to your toilet?

I KNOW there are little toilet hoses you can buy that make it easier, but I want to do as few things as possible that involve toilet water, dipping things into toilets...and pulling them back out. 

Sidenote: this is where the really judgmental moms say things like "Oh ho ho you have no idea!  Babies are much messier than you will ever know because you don't have one!  You will have spit up and pee and poo all over you all the time so get used to it, because you don't know at all!!!!!"  Yeah, turns out you also don't have to be a mom to get that.  And I still don't want to INCREASE that.  Let's leave it at regular day-to-day disasters, umkay?

"Oh, we use the cloth diapers with the disposable INSERTS--no toilet required!"
Yeah, then you're using disposable diapers.  Cheers. 

3--You're really limiting your babysitting list.

Kids these days don't know how to use cloth diapers, and probably aren't gonna get it on the first try.  That means you're either specially training everyone who comes into contact with your kid or leaving your kid with someone who's gonna set them up to soil their crib.

"Oh we don't use a crib...family bed is MUCH better for bonding."
.............................sigh.

4--No one accuses disposable diaper mamas of being pretentious and judgmental. 

Just saying...I purposefully avoid certain bars just because of the pretentious hipsters that love it so much.  Why be any different with the diaper crowd?

5--From here on out, the place where you drop your clothing items will routinely have traces of baby fecal matter all up in it.

"Um no, the washer gets things clean, so the diaper business is all washed out."
You guys know how when you dye something in the wash, you have to run two empty cycles to get all of the leftover dye out?
Yeah, that.



The only time I won't judge you for using cloth diapers is if you're doing it to save money.  That's legit, America, so instead of telling new moms how they're for SURE going to ruin their kids' ass-skin, just tell them how much cheaper it is. 

I'm over mom guilt and I'm not even a mom.  

Back to Tuesday!

Unawkward things that I make awkward

First of all, TWO MONTHS.  Where the hell did June and July go?! 

I've been noticing, lately, that there are really normal, unawkward situations that, for some reason, I'm drawn to make very awkward.  I never feel like it's intentional...it just happens.  Things are normal, things are normal, things are normal, things are weird.  I've noticed it most in the following areas:

1.  Walking in and out of doors when someone else is also walking in or out.

Up until about a year ago, I was pre-he-hetty good at entering and exiting buildings like a regular old gal.  Then, overnight, I became the worst person ever with whom to enter or exit a building.  

Whatever that internal sense that alerts you "Ok, you're both leaving, but Gina's on pace to leave slightly before you, so go ahead and let her take the lead," or "Looks like you are the half step in front, so go ahead and step out, then hold the door," I no longer have it.

Not sure why.

But here's the internal stress monologue it's led to: "Ok, you're both leaving, so go ahead and, oh, wait, oh sorry, shiz, ok, we're both in the doorway and I can't, oh man, damn it, um, oh man, stop she's right, ok go ahea, no wait..."

Pretty sure I've lost the respect of some good friends by either stepping on them while entering a building or completely cutting them off while exiting. 

To avoid this, I've taken to insisting on holding the door open for everyone, and making them, even with those annoying "No no no, after YOU" moments, go first.  

2.  Bathroom conversation.

WHY why WhYYyyYyyyy can't I just not talk to people in a public restroom?  It's like a force is drawing me...I see someone from my building, I know why they're there, they know why I'm there...there is NO good reason to being a conversation.  But inevitably, we'll make eye contact, I'll say hey, they'll say hey, and then I'm asking about their car, or kids, or how the phones have been treating them.  At the very least, one of us is holding it, so it's never good.  And there's no good way to end that conversation--"Well, gotta go ahead and pee now," or "Well looks like my stall is open, soo..."

What should be a completely normal "passing in the hall" is now a forced conversation.

3.  When a server takes my embarrassingly clean plate.

I am the first to admit that a lot of what I do is purely for my own entertainment.  No worries if you don't think it's funny...I think it's so funny, so I just keep onnnn doing it.  Generally, though, they're small things that don't really matter in life, like when someone changes their Facebook profile photo to a pic of their baby, I like to leave comments like "Wow--you look really different!"  Stupid...but come on...I have to.

Unfortunately, this drive for self-amusement has recently gone too far, and I completely  acknowledge it, and I can't seem to stop.

Here's how it goes in my mind:
After eating literally everything on my plate at a restaurant, which, let's be honest, happens OFTEN, the server comes back to the table to clear my plate.  Server reaches down...
Me: Oh, I'm not actually done yet.
Server: Oh...
Me: I'm just kidding.
Server and Me together: Ohhahhaahahahhahaha!

Get it? There's not one crumb on my plate, so of COURSE I'm done!  There's no way for me to not be done!  Laugh riot.

Here's how it's happened LITERALLY EVERY TIME. 
Server reaches down...
Me: Oh, I'm not actually done yet.
Server: Oh...
Me: I'm just kidding.
Server: Oh...uh...ok, so, uh, do you want to hang onto the plate?
Me: Oh no, I was just kidding...because I...I ate all of the food..so much...
Server: Oh , ok, so I can take it?
Me: Yeah, for sure.

I've even tried to combo the joke and say "Oh, I'm not actually done yet just kidding," with not even a little pause.  Same results, but sometimes with the additional "I'm sorry, what?" from the server.

This joke has never, ever gone over, even a little bit.  Not like "oh, I think this will be funnier with the right server," like "Oh wow, that was so unnerving for them that I'm going to get bad service from here on out, because they don't want to come back to my table."

But for some effing reason, I say it every time I clean my plate.

Again, often.  See above.

I see the words coming, and my brain is like "Nooo donnn't stopppp you knowww how this is gonna gggggoooo," and my heart is like "Seriously, don't!  This is only bad for us!" and then my mouth is like "Oh I'm not actually done yet."

People who eat with me often have literally started frantically shaking their heads at me when they see it coming.

I'm sorry world.  My mouth is committed to that joke, and nothing can stop him/her. 

Sidenote--is the mouth automatically the same gender as the rest of the body?  Sub-question--is it sexist to assume one way or the other?

Last question--why does my brain really drag things out when it talks to me, but my heart is super succinct? 

If I had a mic, I'd totally drop it RIGHT HERE.

Is it because "spam" is in the blog entry's title?!

The irony of these spam comments being posted on my spam blog all about spam is not lost on me.




Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "More e-spam...OR...I'm about to get RICH": :

What i don't understood is actually how you're now not actually much more neatly-liked than you may be right
now. You are very intelligent. You understand therefore significantly on the subject of this subject, made me
personally imagine it from a lot of numerous angles. Its like women and men are not fascinated except it is one thing to
accomplish with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs nice. Always handle it up!


Take a look at my website: exercises to jump higher 


Dear Anonymous,

Ah, you're too, too kind.  I have also often wondered: how am I now not actually much more neatly-liked than I may be right now?  I mean, I'm neatly-liked to some extent right now, but I would love to be neatly-liked even more than that.  I've had enough of the regular-like...much too sloppy.

I do agree with you on my areas of expertise as well--I understand this subject's subject so well, and why not understand therefore significantly if not to get my dear readers to personally imagine it--it, of course, being the subject of this blog entry, which is, of course, getting spammed via email by some Albanian mobsters, one of whom speaks good English, and the other who speaks very, very poor English--from a lot of numerous angles.  More specifically, I was hoping you'd be able to imagine it from these angles:

--what would I do if it was MY Uncle Williams (first name) who had passed away? 
--am I about to get RICH?
--how much time can one spend replying to e-scammers before one is, herself, considered an e-spammer?
--do you guys like Dateline?

WOMEN
ARE
GAGA!

Your own stuffs nice too, Anonymous.  I really think that about all of your stuffs.

Always handle it up,
Shannon

P.S. would someone out there please tell me why the hell spammers are so invested in my jumping height?!  Seriously.  I'm actually interested.

Facebook Vague-ing (vaguebooking?) and how I hope to end it forever.

When I say "end it forever," I know that even in the BEST case scenario, I'd just lessen it in my own Facebook feed, but what can I say...I'm hopeful.

Vague-ing [vay-geeng] 
verb
a non-word word to describe Facebook statuses that are emotionally charged, intentionally vague, and seem to be solely for attention and sympathy.  
see also: "vaguebooking," and "easier way to say 'vaguebooking'"

I tried to go with "vaguing", but that proved to just be more confusing.  "What's vag-wing?"  Yeah yeah.  It's something totally different...ask your mom.


Anyway, I HATE vague-ing for the following reasons:

• I hate most things done solely for attention, so I especially hate those things done for attention in an intentionally public forum.
• I hate that it's so damn evident that it's intentional.  It's SO much harder to talk around an issue than it is to just be up front.
• I hate that people use vague-ing to seem as though they AREN'T doing either of the above.  "No no, I won't say it...I don't want to burden you all with my trouble." 

 I've been trying to combat vague-ing lately, but the explicit ways seem to fail.  You can't just ask people what's going on, because then you seem super lame for not knowing ("aren't they supposed to be friends?  I can't believe she doesn't know!"), and they typically answer per above ("No no, it's not your struggle! Don't worry!").  You can't be equally vague because it just feeds into what they're doing, and then someone else writes this blog post about you.  You can't delete them because it's just
too
amusing
to get frustrated to this level about something that matters so little...and really, we just all want to know what the hell they're talking about. 

So I've come up with a new solution that I hope will lead to the best of all worlds:

I call it de-vague-ing.

For example:

Your Your De-Vague-ing Comment: I am so sorry...I am sure your carburetor will start running better soon!!  I have some great mechanic recommendations if you need them--just say the word!





Your De-Vague-ing Comment: You can't be mad at a cat for having an accident.  Sometimes, even if you've litter box trained them, they will pee on the floor.  It's not his fault...he's just getting old.  I hope things get easier for you guys!






Your De-Vague-ing Comment: It totally is!  My advice is to start treatment NOW.  The longer you leave things untreated, the more likely they are to get worse, which will make it even harder to treat in the future!






Your De-Vague-ing Comment: No matter what, know that bees serve a really important purpose.  I hate them too, but without them, no pollination, no flowers, no honey...we need them!  Don't lose hope--even if you get stung, know you're serving a greater purpose!

BOOM.  You just got de-vagued!

What I hope this accomplishes:

• Vaguers having to acknowledge that their status was so overwhelmingly vague that my comment, while it (hopefully?) doesn't apply, easily could apply
• Vaguers having to explain what they're really bitching about, in order to make sure people don't believe it's actually what I said.
• Vaguers feeling just a liiiittle douchey.

What this will actually accomplish:

• My comments getting deleted
• Me getting unfriended

I
CAN'T
LOSE.

Truth in comments

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Advertise Rules I Just Came Up With":

While you may make a sale every now and then by employing these safelists, it is not enough to really make  it worth your while. Totally humble, simply wanted to be a friend, and I knew he'd the missing part - the musicality. The good thing about this format is the fact that other than writing, you do not require any special skill to train on a Word or Notepad program.

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Dearest Anonymous,

Thank you, so much, for reading back to 2010 on my blog.  It means a lot to me that blog posts that only make sense to the people in my office have grown to be so far reaching!  What a treat.  Honestly, I'm blushing right now.

Or it may just be my skin flushing--sometimes I get red for no reason.  Tough to tell if it's that or the blushing from the attention you've lavished on 2010's entries.

What I really appreciate about this comment, though, is how you bring it back to what really matters: the musicality.  When I was writing this post that outlines guidelines that should be considered for posting to our internal advertise list, you know what wasn't on my mind?  The musicality.  And I really think that's what's lacking here.  I'd never considered that "he" (who's "he" again?) was so humble, and trying so hard to be my friend.  If only I'd known--the Advertise rules would have made so much more sense to me, and to my four readers.

But back to the format--you nailed it, Anonymous.  The fact that I haven't had to be trained in the special skills required to use Notepad or Word is the reason I'm doing this.  In fact, I usually write all of my documents and emails in Blogger before I send them, because, as you said, no training required!!

Back to the heart of the matter, though, because we M-U-S-T keep things consistent.  I MUST have a mailer, but I'm concerned that my credit is too high, and I'm concerned about the cost!  Do you happen to have any mailer solutions for me that REQUIRE a credit check, but cost nothing?  I haven't worked this hard to maintain good credit just to have it not checked for free things!!

Best,
Shannon

Fage yogurt

Hey guys-

No matter how many times you say it on your commercials, no one is going to actually pronounce the brand of your yogurt as "fah-gee."

No one.

Love,
Shannon

One more reply for this May Day

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased...":

An outstanding share! I've just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been doing a little research on this. And he actually bought me lunch simply because I discovered it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to talk about this matter here on your site.

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Dear Anonymous,

Thank you so much!  I am so pleased that your coworker has been researching Albanian (?) mafia (??) spam emails concerning deceased relatives' fortunes.  It's a lucrative field, and one upon which not enough has been written!
What a jovial office you work in--find a blog entry documenting my exchange with a scammer and get lunch!  Let ME reword this--where's MY meal?  Ha!
All in all, Anonymous, I wanted to say this:  you're welcome.  You're welcome for spending some time to talk about this matter here on my site. 
The fact that we connected like this really makes me trust you.  I'm going to click that link to your web---site, and I'm going to book a room at the bed and breakfast.  If you know me well enough to tap into my desire for more academic writing on e-scams, you know me well enough to know my sleeping arrangement preferences.

Cheers,
SH

An entry to reply to my many, many, very relevant blog comments

I just can't believe all of the action my blog has been getting lately.  Each morning, I awaken to email alerts of comments galore.  It's just been a little overwhelming, so I decided to take a moment and reply to them all right here.  Thank you so much for your insight, faithful readers!

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Dear Dollar Rent-a-Car,":

6 or above, it's remarkably minor in the grand scheme of things. We suspect that amount would be slightly lower if we'd spent a bit more unweildy.
Though it's launching initially on 6. This is the way the iPhone 3 GS, they won't help you genie bra pads either.

Dear Anonymous, 

You know what?  You're right.  If it's below 6, then it warrants my attention.  6 or higher?  I'm over it, because it just doesn't matter.  I have to focus on more important things, like eating and discouraging teen pregnancy.

I'm not too sure what about my Dollar Rent-a-Car post led you to believe that my experience warranted a numerical value, but I like it, and I do agree--just spend a little more unweildy.  If only everyone would follow that advice!

UGH you could not be more right about the iPhone 3 GS!  I have been like "Hey iPhone 3 GS...help me genie bra pads already!" and they've been like "We won't!  We will not help."  So frustrating!  But you totally stepped in where iPhone 3 GS left off by linking me to a blog about a bra, but also, somehow, about Israel.  I don't see the connection yet, but I trust you!

Best of luck to you as you pursue that illusive 5 or below!

Shannon

Gerald555able has left a new comment on your post "More e-spam...OR...I'm about to get RICH":
You have noted that "al" is the country domain extension of...Albania.
So you were being subject to attempted robbery from the Alabanian mafia (well known for much worse doings).

Gerald555able, 

I actually really appreciate this info, because I assumed this came from Nigeria, because that's the world area that all of the Dateline specials on e-spam have focused on.  I'm thankful for the info, and subtle reminder (threat?) that things could have been worse for me.

Cheers, and best as you continue to spread Albanian awareness!
Shannon

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I WAS (not actually, but easily could have been) D...":

Profits of the Dollar Thrifty Automotive Group for $41
a share, more than paphos car hire could use in
over a century, so the mystery continues. The Cypriot Foreign Ministry expedited
the process of learning to read in Greek-English bilingual children learn to read is different in Spain, be sure to try the delicious haloumi cheese and grilled meat kebabs.  Lagondas could not be a need to know before you plan on seeing for recommendations of reputable car services in India.

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Dear Anonymous, 

Wow--they mystery DOES continue!  First of all, I'm like "If Dollar Thrifty Automotive Group is bringing in $41 a share, how is Paphos car hire making it?!"  Share the wealth already, please, like any responsible company would!  

And then to hear about learning to read in Greek-English bilingual, but how that's different in Spain...I'm like "WHY?"  What's the point, when Paphos is barely making it, of teaching kids to learn in Greek-English bilingual if it's not even going to carry over to Spain?"  Do I need to get in touch with Spain in this blog or what?

Whew--food break!  You called it.  I gotta get my hands on some halmoumi cheese and grilled meats.  A little confused though--would those be available to me here in California, or do I need to make a trip over to Greece or Spain?  Either way, pretty sure I know where I'll be finding the kids who read Greek-English bilingual (not Spain!)!

One last thing--was thinking about getting over to India, but need a recommendation for a reputable car service.  Would you know how I could get more info about that?

Thank you SO much for this info--Greece, Spain, India or Dollar--you know what's best!
Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Confession":
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something which I think I
would never understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.
I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!
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title=%E5%88%A9%E7%94%A8%E8%80%85:PaulHidal

Dear Anonymous, 

I really appreciate you expressing concern over the complexity of the issue with the Magic Bullet, and I have to concur!  Despite your accolades that my three-to-four line "presentation" makes it seem easy, I can easily see how it could be something outside of anyone's realm of understanding, and you know what?  It's my fault.

I went into this blog assuming that my faithful readers would understand what I meant without even including a photo, definition, product review, testimonial...anything!  That's not only presumptuous of me, it's likely racist.  For that, Anonymous, I ask your forgiveness (if you are affected by racism, as opposed to, like me, not seeing race when you look into someone's beautiful face). 
I only hope that you weren't too disappointed when you find that not only was my next post NOT a further explanation of what a Magic Bullet truly is, that I will actually never, ever post more about it.
You did lose me a little at the end there--not sure if it's just an angry "hitting of the keys" or some sort of hex, but I am a little concerned.  Do you work for Dollar and/or Albania?


Begging for forgiveness,
Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased...":

I want to to thank you for this wonderful read!
! I certainly loved every little bit of it. I've got you book-marked to look at new stuff you post…
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Dear Anonymous, 

You have made my day!  Thank you for referring to my blog entry that was a long, long copy/paste of emails I'd received as a "wonderful read."  YOU are a wonderful read!!  How many bits of it would you say you loved, if you were being specific?

Just wondering.

Quick question though--I'm not really a jumper, and don't really love the idea of becoming one.  Was there something in my copy/paste of emails between myself and the Albanian mafia that made you think I was looking to become a better jumper?  

Thanks for the insight!
Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased...":
Amazing things here. I'm very glad to look your article. Thanks so much and I'm taking a look forward to touch you. Will you please drop me a mail?
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Dear Anonymous, 

Thank you so much for looking my article!  It means a lot to me.  I have to be up front with you though...I don't really want to be touched by you.  It's nothing personal--I just don't know you, and I'm not really into being touched by people I don't know.

I suppose I could think about it, if you're really serious--maybe a little pat of the back, or handshake to start things off?  Let me know what you think by dropping me a mail back.

I can tell you right now, though--I don't really want more info about jumping.  I just don't care about jumping, and don't think anyone should have any site devoted to it. 

Your effort and concern are appreciated!
Shannon

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased...":
Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site
is great, as well as the content!
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Anonymous, 

Wow--thank you!!  It's so kind of you to compliment my blog layout.  I spent less than one minute on it, and am actually not at all sure how to update it, so it's been the same since day one!  

Despite your compliments, though, I have to protest you constantly pushing your vertical jumping program on me.  I AM NOT INTERESTED IN JUMPING BETTER.  I feel like my jumps are fine, and don't need work.  The only times I jump are a--when there is a bug on me, b--when I am near a trampoline, or c--no other times.  I don't need help with the jumping.  Please stop asking.

Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased...":

Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you
knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.
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Dear Anonymous, 

This is getting frustrating for me.  I have a feeling this might be an issue caused a fact  referenced earlier: were you raised in Greece, but then moved to Spain?  I feel like we're having trouble understanding each other, and perhaps the reason is that you were raised with something called Greek-English bilingual, but then moved to Spain, where things are different.  

That makes things really hard.  Here's what I am trying to say: I don't jump often, and I don't want to learn anything about jumping.  NO JUMP!  I think that's the same in any language, probably.  

I am starting to think that you're only complimenting me in order to get me to look at your website that somehow seems to be entirely about jumping.

But either way, I don't really know what widgets are.  Spacely Sprokets?

Best, 

Shannon

dokan sam has left a new comment on your post "I do not use toilet seat covers, however...":
Seat covers is a protector that provides beautiful looking from any seat. It is also protected form the suns uv rays, food and drink spills, sliding in and out of your vehicle, etc. Our company provides many kinds of beautiful seat covers. I am totally impressed with this article and the information you have posted on here is really helpful and informative. Thanks admin. Seat Covers Unlimited

Dear Dokan Sam, 

Your comment is so, so appreciated, but I think we've had a little miscommunication.  First of all, please, call me Shannon!  Admin is so formal! 
Second, not sure where you're from, but here, toilet seat covers are actually different from the traditional "seat cover" you seem to be referencing.  They're typically just thin, disposable paper rings that are meant to (but do not actually) protect you from germs while you're sitting on the toilet.  While on the toilet, one doesn't often worry about UV rays, food/drink, or vehicles.  

If I've misunderstood, please forgive me!  If your company is truly in the business of providing beautiful toilet seat covers, I am very interested to see how they do.  However, I am not interested in purchasing one for many, many reasons.

Thank you so much for sharing!
Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Dear Dollar Rent-a-Car,":
Google Sniper isn't stopping and it is going up for this new Google Sniper 2. So if you are looking for an easy and effective way of supplementing your income on just a couple of hours per website, consider what is Google Sniper today and see just how successful you could become. 0 is the ability to create the websites using step by step guidelines, just once.
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Dear Anonymous, 

UGH RIGHT?  It's like, Google Sniper one, Google Sniper two...what's next?  Google Sniper three?  

I'm not really trying to supplement my income, though--what gave you that idea?  Would that require Google Sniper one, two or three (in my/your dreams!)? 

I'm really thankful that the ability to create the websites using step by step guidelines, just once, is zero.  I totally have zero.

Thank you again!
Shannon

 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I WAS (not actually, but easily could have been) D...":
On the other hand, the deep orthography of English makes the role of the phonological code in word recognition than would be the first of three fine courses we played on paphos car hire.
A little something a bit more flexibility with your accounts. The 70-year-old is accused of shooting Ivan Granchev, a 34-year-old Bulgarian on the doorstep of the villas receive. Feel free to surf to my web-site ... car rental Paphos reviews

Dear Anonymous, 

I think you may have misunderstood my post--it was just about a caffeine overload, not actually about shooting or linguistics, or, somehow, Paphos car hire.

Strange, though, that Paphos keeps coming up in my blog posts!  I will have to check into the orthographical and phonological history of some of the words I'm using.  Does "caffeine" have roots similar to that of "car hire"?  Important stuff!

You know, though...you're right.  With a little more flexibility with my accounts, the 70-year-old may not have been accused of the shooting.  I pray that the villas receive are able to recover from the tragedy that occurred there. 

Prayers and well wishes, 

Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I WAS (not actually, but easily could have been) D...":
I'm new to
developing websites and I was wondering if having your site title relevant to your content really that critical? I notice your title,
"Blogger: The Isht I Buy " does appear to be spot on with what your blog is
about but, I prefer to keep my title less content descriptive and
based more around site branding. Would you think this is a good idea or bad idea?
Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated.
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Hey Anonymous!

I really appreciate you coming to me for website advice.  When I started this free blog a few years ago and spent less than one minute not only thinking about the set up, but also implementing that set up, I thought to myself "This blog is going to be something.  Someday, people reading it will come to me and ask me for advice.  I should put at least one more minute thought into the title, set up and lay out."
However, at that point, the phone rang, and I did not.

That being said, I have a LOT of advice for you.

You're so right in saying that the title of my blog, The Isht I Buy, is a crucial factor in each item I post.  Before I write an entry, post a photo or reply to a comment, I ask myself these questions:

1.  Is this about the isht I buy?

2.  Do I have time to post this right now?

If the content passes both those extremely high bars, I post it.  If it only passes the second bar, but not the first, I still post it.  If it doesn't pass either bar, I wait to post it until I have time.  When I have time, I re-ask those two questions, then inevitably post it, no matter what. 

I don't really understand your question about branding, but I agree with you 100%.  YES.  

Thank you again--I hope your blog sees as much success as mine has.

Shannon

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased...":
Hey there would you mind stating which blog platform you're working with? I'm going to start my own blog in the near future
but I'm having a tough time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I'm looking for something unique.
P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!
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Dear Anonymous, 

WHAT THE HELL, MAN.   DO YOU KNOW ME OUTSIDE OF THIS BLOG AND THINK I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT?  IF YOU DO, thanks for the concern.  It's kind of you to try and reach me in an anonymous way so I won't be super embarrassed.  IF YOU DON'T, JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE ABOUT THE JUMPING!!!

Also, as you had to visit my site at blogspot.com, it's safe to assume that my platform is blogspot.com, ass.

Best to you!
Shannon

Razvan M has left a new comment on your post "Dear Dollar Rent-a-Car,":

Damn, all this just to rent a car?
I had no idea it's so hard to rent cars as a company and that thy have a different, bigger price...
After the first two problems you should have quit asking for their services because that's unacceptable.
Renting a car shouldn't require more than a phone call, at least that's my opinion.

Razvan M, 

Thank you.  Thank you for bringing it all back home.  Thank you for the affirmation of my decision to leave Dollar in the dust.  Thank you for your opinion. 

You are why I do what I do.

Shannon

KEEP THESE COMMENTS COMING PEOPLE.  Off to work on my jumpz.