Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Final Chapter: I got no money from my deceased Uncle Williams

Reasons I sent this:
--I know that they will never take this advice, because they have their system DOWN. 
--I saw on Dateline that they are actually this stupid on purpose, to rule out any smart people immediately, so the odds that the people who buy their stories will question them go way, way down
--I HAD TO SEND IT.  I thrive on closure and the last word.

From: Shannon 
 Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 10:17 AM
To: ''; Remittance Department (; Eddie (; Mrs. Alice Joyce (
Subject: RE: Shannon What Is The Way Forward Now?
Importance: High

Dear team,

Here are some handy tips for scamming people in the future:

1—You have the ability to tell people you’re trying to scam that you’re from WHATEVER COUNTRY YOU WANT!  If you can’t speak English well, don’t choose an English speaking country.  Simple as that.  If you tell me you’re from Portugal, all of the sudden your horribly broken English makes sense.
2—If you’re going to use your “names” in your email addresses, spell them right.  If you are going by Alex, don’t use Alx in your email.  If you claim your name is Alice, using Alce as your email address is going to confuse people.  I would never use “Shnnon” as my email address.
3—“Williams” is no one’s first name.  Next time, try “William.”  Maybe even “Bill.”  No one has an Uncle Williams.
4—If you’re going to claim to be from a specific country, use that country’s passport.  Saying you’re from the UK, then sending people a Mexican passport is ridiculous.  Just Google “UK passport.”  Boom, done.
5—Just have one person reply to each person you’re trying to scam.  If I actually believed  you had money for me, I would become skeptical at the fact that every time I email you, “you” email me back twice within ten minutes with two different answers in varying levels of broken English.
6—There is a huge difference in offering to give someone “my world” and offering to give them “my word.”  Huge.  But props for consistency on that one. 
7—Asking for thousands of dollars, then asking “What do I have to gain from scamming you?” is silly.  You have thousands of dollars to gain.  Even the dumbest person you’re trying to scam will see that.
8—The “death certificate” you sent is one of the worst fake documents I have ever seen.  Seriously?!  WordArt.  Repeatedly saying “Octoberb.”  A pixelated “authentic signature.”  Come on guys.  My 6 year old nephew could do better than that.
9—When asking people to wire you money, give them all of the information necessary to wire said money.  Name, country and “secret question” don’t cut it.

All in all, emailing you guys has been one of the best parts of the last two months.  Thanks so much for the fun, the laughs, the memories and the blog material.  The thought of you and “Mr. Yusuf”  going to the Western Union with the form I sent you was the best Christmas present I could have hoped for.  Hope to run into you in “the UK” soon!  Merry Christmas!!!


They have not replied.


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