Tuesday, November 30, 2010

New Years

Here's the best thing about being all the single ladies: I basically do whatever I want, whenever I want. Clearly not ALL the time, because I'm not a huge ass, but I do sort of love my own life.

Case in point: New Years. Two years ago, some lovely friends and I spent New Years in New York, last year, Chicago, and this year, I am happy to say, I just booked our place in shiny Las Vegas.

We'll be ringing in the New Year here:

...or, more specifically, here:

...but actually, probably with these guys...

...because they're performing on the Strip on New Years Eve.

Sign me up.

Sign me up for whatever I feel like at the moment...but don't put a ring on it...because then I wouldn't be signed up for as much. Unless I like the ring...different.

Right now, sign me up for dinner, because I'm stuuurrrrrving.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

the kids

So every other Sunday when I'm in town, I hang out with "the kids"...more specifically, the kindergartners and 1st graders from Grace Church. I'd like to say that I do it for the greater good of helping these kids love Jesus, and that's definitely a side-effect, but really, when I'm not feeling it, the thing that gets me out of bed is that these kids are hilarious.

Best case in point: Miss Ricki T. She's five, she's sassy, and she looks a little bit like this:

So this week, we were talking about talents, so I went around the circle and asked each kid to say one thing they're good at. We went around three times, and each time, Ricki T. would say something, then just do it.

Other kid: I'm good at....soccer.
Ricki T.: I'm good at cartwheels. Look!

Other kid: I'm good at....cleaning my room.
Ricki T.: I'm good at kicking. Look!

Hilarious. I love the enthusiasm, even though I had to keep saying "Ricki, nice job, but please come back and join the circle."

Then I asked them to say one thing someone else they knew was good at. Ricki T said "My cousin is a really, really, really good rapper...he's the best rapper you've ever seen." She might be right...I mean...I haven't seen him...so I'm withholding judgment. Don't tell Jay-Z.

So at the very end, we always say a closing prayer, and I asked the kids if they had anything we should pray about. Avery said that we needed to pray for her uncle, who lost his leg (yikes--that's a lot for a five year old to have to worry about), and Ricki asked us to pray for her cousin to be a better rapper. I asked if anyone wanted to pray for the group, she volunteered, and it went like this:

"Dear gracious Jesus God, thank you for bringing us all here together. It's a blessing to be here gracious Jesus God. And gracious Jesus God, today we pray for my cousin, that he would be the best rapper in the world, and do so good, and we pray for...what's your name? Oh, we pray for Avery's uncle and his lost leg, and we hope that finds it again as soon as possible. Amen."

I LOVE other people's babies.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


There is no theme to these things, other than the "these things happened to me while on fall travel."

--I asked a local guy for a recommendation on a place to eat (which, with Yelp, is how to guarantee good food all the time), he referred me to a pizza place, and when I asked what to order, he said "Oh man, I got this seafood pizza one time, with scallops and stuff...total west coast...but it made me really sick...like...I was on the toilet all night." Cool...so...what should I order?

--at the big Honolulu College Fair, a girl came to my table to fill out a college grid, and in looking at her paper from her last table, which was the Paul Mitchell School, she'd checked "yes" that they had her major of interest, which was, in her words, "color hairing."

--same college fair, direct quote: "How much people is enrolled in you guys?"

--high school visit, written in caps, in pencil, on a Drug Free is the Way to Be poster: "IF YOU SPEAK OUT YOU WILL GET LIFE."

And now, some photos.

"Hey, want to get a coffee?"
"Sure, but I have a baby shower later, and I have a really large gift with a giant stuffed dog. Someone will likely steal it if they see it unattended."
"No worries, just bring it in to Starbucks, and we'll put it between us for safekeeping."

"I keep losing my cell phone in my purse. What should I do?"
"I think you should clip it to your belt."
"That's way too far from my face."

"Hey man, what are you up to?"
"Just watching the crucifixion and drinking my Jamba Juice at the mall."

"Dear Bangkok, We're a local Hawaiian Thai Restaurant, and we're looking for your vote."

And this, my friends, is fricking fried spam musubi. Spam musubi is my favorite island treat...it's just spam, usually cooked in teriyaki and sticky rice wrapped in sea weed, and this, my favorite restaurant on Maui, decided to fry it. IT'S AMAZING. It's amazing. I'm so happy about it.

And by far the weirdest part of my last few days...

I am approached out of the blue by boys, nice or not nice, once every 250 years. This past week, it has happened three times in the exact same place by three completely crazy guys. Here's a little preview: I have a standing date whenever I go to Chicago, free coffee whenever I go to Maui, and a freestyle rap that's being recorded in my honor. But more on all of this next time, because I have to go to another high school.

I'm almost home, and I can't believe I didn't write anything this whole time, so here's some things about traffic and the radio.

I can tell you this much...I have successfully filled every instant of time I've had out here on Fall Travel, as not to completely lose my mind. But that means I've been neglecting writing down these funny occurrences. No worries though, because I made several voice notes along the way to remember to tell you all several things.

First of all, let's just put it out there--I've been traveling in Hawaii. And it's for work.

"Wow, it must be soooo (sarcastically) hard having a job that takes you to Hawaii, I'm soooo (sarcastically) sorry."

Well, jerk, it is hard. I mean, there is no more pretty place to be completely, almost overwhelmingly busy, but really, travel out here is completely, almost overwhelmingly busy. Here's a typical day on Oahu:

--wake up between 5-6
--get ready (don't shower unless it's the third [or fourth] day)
--sit in two hours of traffic
--visit a high school
--sit in more traffic
--visit a high school
--high school
--high school
--find a place with free wireless
--answer emails for a couple hours
--meet up with students/parents for interviews
--sit in after work traffic
--college fair
--light traffic

You'll notice there's no beach time in there. And yes, I have had a Saturday and one and a half Sundays here, and I've spent them doing Naz church things. I have been at the beach for a total of two hours in the 11 days I've been here. They were a good two hours.

Here's the silver lining--although I'm generally tired to the point of having to drive with the windows down, everyone here is soooooo eeefffffffffiiinnnggg nnniiiccceee...even when I'm running around like a crazy person, I love these people. I mean, I love them to the point of feeling like I could live here someday. And if it were not for the friends that so kindly let me pretend like I live with them, I'd legitimately lose my mind. They are the best, and if I were to be so lucky as to have a second set of parents, I'd fight for these guys.

And the food is so good. I want to be in a place where "salad" actually means "macaroni salad."


Radio here, if you remember from last year, is awful. This time, in addition to playing awful music on an awful look, the DJs are really mean.

For example: the other morning, these DJs were talking about some celeb divorce, and a lady called in. I assume they thought she was going to offer her opinion about Hollywood whatever, but she was not. Here's exactly how it went down:

DJs: Hi,

---hold on hold on...this is better with a picture of them. Like most DJs, they are HILARIOUS ALL THE TIME EVEN IN PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!

DJs: Hello, [whatever radio station]?
Caller: Hey, are you guys still giving away tickets to the Holiday Concert?
DJs: Uhhh...not until 7:10.
Caller: Oh, ok. Thanks.
DJs: [hang up] Wow, someone hasn't been listening.

Of course she wasn't listening...I wouldn't have been either, if I hadn't left my iPod in my room.

But they got even meaner when a girl called in again, also not to contribute to their conversation.

DJs: Hello, [whatever radio station]?
Caller: Hello?
DJs: Hello?
Caller: Uh hi, can I request a song?
DJs: No.
Caller: ........what?
DJs: [at this point, they hear the radio in the background, at which point most DJs nicely ask the caller to turn down the radio] Oh wait oh wait, turn up your radio in the back. We want to hear ourselves.
Caller: What?
DJs: Turn up your radio!!
Caller: ...can you play Just the Way You Are?
DJs: No, we're going to sing, then listen to ourselves on your radio.

The DJs proceed to sing the first few lines of Just a Friend, then pause, listen to themselves through the caller's radio through the phone, then laugh, then hang up. I turned off the radio at this point. But I'm pretty sure I can guess how the conversation went between them:

Boy DJ: We are hilarious, and very awesome.
Girl DJ: I can't believe that young caller didn't realize that radio shows are broadcast with a slight delay, and was so stupid that she wanted to hear herself on the radio.
Boy DJ: I know. That's so basic...I learned that in Radio Show Hosting 101 at my local community college, where I got 11 units toward my AA.
Girl DJ: And to think, she wanted to call in to request a song! What a young idiot.
Boy DJ: At least we are professional morning show DJs and handled it professionally, but with utter morning show hilarity.
Girl DJ: I can only imagine the thousands of people who tune in every morning just to hear what wild antics we'll be up to next.
Boy DJ: And I'm sure they were laughing as we mocked that child for not understanding radio and for trying to request a song!
Girl DJ: They were laughing, and then laughing some more, and probably will Tweet about it later today.
Boy DJ: Truly!
Girl DJ: Let's continue to share our opinions about celebrities, and maybe someone else will try to call in with a legitimate request, and we can show them!
Boy DJ: Oh, we will show the hell out of them!

Something like that, at least.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Here's something weird

Is there such thing as shopping bag hoarding?

I think I have that.

Every time I purchase something, I bring it home, hang it up, carefully refold the shopping bag, and place it, according to size, in my closet with the other shopping bags.

I reorganized them last night, and stopped counting at 100.

I just love them. I can remember a lot of what I bought in them...I like to organize them...I like to reuse them...

I am a shopping bag hoarder. I was going to throw some away, but I totally didn't.