Thursday, August 15, 2013

The least helpful live chat of all time

I know everyone is supposed to hate the California DMV, but honestly, I haven't had an issue with it.  It's busy, yeah, it's crowded, yeah, you have to wait, yeah, but you know it going in, so it's not like you can't prep for it.  Just bring a book.  I'm for sure that girl who, when people complain about the DMV, say things like "well maybe make an appointment next time," or "I've never had an issue with their customer service..."

Anyway, I was cool with the DMV until JUST now.

I need to renew my license (PS--aren't they supposed to send you something about that?  The only way I knew because some bouncer in Vegas was like "Wow, you just have a week left to renew."  Thanks, stranger who isn't the DMV.), so I went online, filled out a bunch of stuff, clicked "renew," and was told that I don't qualify for online renewal, and to file a mail renewal.


No reason why.

Whatever.  They don't owe me reasons.  I got your back, DMV.

So I clicked the "Contact Us" link, and was given the option to call OR live chat with "an agent."

I'm not sure why I always go for the live chat, but every time it's offered, I try it first.  88/88 times, it just confuses the issue.  Here's the conversation that ensued:

Agent 13:
Good morning! Just trying to determine how I become eligible to renew my license online
Agent 13:
Your license for what??

*This was my favorite part of the conversation, because of the sheer incredulity that Agent 13 displays.  "WHO GAVE YOU A LICENSE?!"

Drivers' license
Agent 13:
Here is their website,

*It was at this point that I knew that Agent 13 was not, in fact, an auto-responding-robot, like I often face on these live chats.  No robot would end a website with a comma, and no robot would direct me to the website on which I was chatting with said robot.

I've filled out the form, but it told me I'm not eligible, so I'm wondering how to become eligible.
Agent 13:
And if you should have problems with their site you can contact DMV 1.800.777.0133.

*There was about a two minute lag here while I waited for the agent to get through my sentence, realizing that I did not have any trouble with the form.  Also...why is there a chat support option if the chat support's role is to direct me to the website, then the phone?

Agent 13:
Call their number.
So there's nothing you can do to direct me?
I'm at work, and unable to call.

*Half true...I am at work.  But seriously, Agent...if I wanted to call "them" (isn't it "our"??), I wouldn't have chatted you.

Agent 13:
Go to their website and click on contact us.
Agent 13:
And see where that leave you.
Ha ha that's how I got here!
Chat Session Ended, Goodbye. (5010)

*1--Take a moment to appreciate the grammatical prowess of "And see where that leave you."
2--Take another moment to appreciate that Agent 13, someone paid to represent customer service for a statewide organization, just told me to "see where that leave you."  Save time next time, and just lead with "I'm uninterested in trying to take a moment to find the answer to your question...figure it out."
3--Final moment to appreciate how I just got chat-hung-up-on.

Of all the bad customer services experiences I've  had, this is easily top five.  Thanks, DMV.  I'm now on board with people totally hating you.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I don't care that you're using cloth diapers.

JUST KIDDING.  I totally care.  I just really hate it.

Caveat:  This post has nothing to do with any of my actual friends who use cloth diapers.  You know me...I don't tell you your business.  You go, Glencoco...use those clothies, and I support you!  This is only directed to people all over Facebook who are judging people who use disposable diapers (smaller caveat--this is almost all based on posts on the business page I manage for work, so they're not even my Facebook friends. #safe).

Caveats over...let's begin.


I do not have kids, but if I do, I will be using disposable diapers.

"Umm, but do you know how many of them you use a day?"

Yeah.  That's not a surprise to anyone who isn't 16.

Here are my beefs (or can more than one issue still just be a singluar beef?  Tough call.) with cloth diapers.  These actually aren't in order of just have to guess which is more important to me.  Nail biter!

1--It's a big ol' waste of water.

Renewable resources: landfill space. Paper.
Non-renewable resources: fresh water. 
You cannot tell me that it's irresponsible to use disposable diapers without owning the fact that you're likely more than doubling the amount of laundry you're doing, unless you love letting shiz-soiled cloth sit around for days ("But it's in a container..." Gross.  Don't care.), which means your fresh water usage just jumped up uhhhbunch.  At worst, you're contributing to an impending drought that will wreck our homeland (check in with Al Gore).  At best, it's a total wash (pun intended) for moms who conserve water and use up paper and landfill space.  Stop judging.

2--Your hands are already all up in baby fluids all day.  Why add the additional risk of messing with adult fluids by getting super close to your toilet?

I KNOW there are little toilet hoses you can buy that make it easier, but I want to do as few things as possible that involve toilet water, dipping things into toilets...and pulling them back out. 

Sidenote: this is where the really judgmental moms say things like "Oh ho ho you have no idea!  Babies are much messier than you will ever know because you don't have one!  You will have spit up and pee and poo all over you all the time so get used to it, because you don't know at all!!!!!"  Yeah, turns out you also don't have to be a mom to get that.  And I still don't want to INCREASE that.  Let's leave it at regular day-to-day disasters, umkay?

"Oh, we use the cloth diapers with the disposable INSERTS--no toilet required!"
Yeah, then you're using disposable diapers.  Cheers. 

3--You're really limiting your babysitting list.

Kids these days don't know how to use cloth diapers, and probably aren't gonna get it on the first try.  That means you're either specially training everyone who comes into contact with your kid or leaving your kid with someone who's gonna set them up to soil their crib.

"Oh we don't use a bed is MUCH better for bonding."

4--No one accuses disposable diaper mamas of being pretentious and judgmental. 

Just saying...I purposefully avoid certain bars just because of the pretentious hipsters that love it so much.  Why be any different with the diaper crowd?

5--From here on out, the place where you drop your clothing items will routinely have traces of baby fecal matter all up in it.

"Um no, the washer gets things clean, so the diaper business is all washed out."
You guys know how when you dye something in the wash, you have to run two empty cycles to get all of the leftover dye out?
Yeah, that.

The only time I won't judge you for using cloth diapers is if you're doing it to save money.  That's legit, America, so instead of telling new moms how they're for SURE going to ruin their kids' ass-skin, just tell them how much cheaper it is. 

I'm over mom guilt and I'm not even a mom.  

Back to Tuesday!