Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Things I could have purchased instead of "fixing" my car this year

--20 Kindle Fires
--3669 McDonalds 99 cent double cheeseburgers, after tax
--this car AND this car
--8000 meals for the starving Somali kid that Jennifer Aniston says can eat for only 50 cents a day
--a male stripper every evening for a week (I did price it out at work, so if I lose my job soon, you'll know why)
--6.7 round-trip tickets to Istanbul (I really want to go to Turkey...anyone?) in February
--eight annual passes to Disneyland with no blackout dates AND parking (but why would all eight of us drive??)
--59 boxes of my contacts
--572 strawberry pies from Marie Callendars
--a Marie Callendars
--14 floor tickets to Jay Z/Kanye in Vegas

I could go on, but for the sake of my heart, I can't go on. I would have preferred all of those things to investing money in my car this year, especially because today, it stopped steering.

"Oh, you'll probably just have to get a new power steering pump."
"Did that in September."

Fortunately, I had already lined up to pull into my parking spot. It's the little things at this point, right?

"Sure, yeah."

In response, I have written this ode to my car:


I trusted you, you piece of s@!# car.


  1. I hate your car so much. I do, however, LOVE your scooter!

  2. You did the right thing ditching that car.

  3. I've just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.