Wednesday, October 14, 2009

bathroom buddies

So here's something I think everyone needs: a bathroom buddy. Not someone who goes to the bathroom with you (that's stupid)...but someone that you can tell all the awkward-but-somehow-inevitable bathroom stories that arise to without it being weird.

My bathroom buddy (thanks Cat) is gone for the day, but I need to say this:

It is not normal for acquaintances to have a "one-in-the-stall, one-out" conversations.

I was just in the bathroom at work and a really nice lady from the office across the hall was washing her hands when I walked in, so of course, I said hello, and (as I know she's a talker) even hesitated just a second before I went into the stall to see if she was going to say anything after "Hi." She didn't, so I went in and shut the door. As I'm physically starting to pee, she says "So did you guys hire a new counselor?"

At this point, I know she is speaking to me, and I know that, as I have to pee REALLY bad, if I continue to pee, I may not be able to hear what she's saying, and she might feel weird because I'm talking to her and she's listening to me pee. So I stop peeing (I just found out a little while ago that not all boys can stop peeing once they've started. What the hell--doesn't that seem like a natural thing??) and said "Oh yeah...started Monday!" to which she paused, so I started to pee again, but immediately had to stop, because she said "Yeah, well I wasn't sure...I saw a new face, but I was like 'is she new??'" I fake laughed.

The only thing worse than really having to pee is to be sitting ON THE TOILET, skirt up, in pee position, and not being able to pee.

So I said "Yep, she's new alright." She replied "Oh great, I thought I was going crazy!" and then laughed for an unusual amount of time for that comment. So at that point, I'm having to extend a fake laugh longer than is ok, and not pee.

Also, I didn't have real lunch today...I just had a third cup of coffee for lunch. And I haven't peed all day. And it's four.

ALSO also, when one person is in-stall, there are no non-verbal "cool, this conversation has been over for almost a full minute" signals you can send, so she's just standing there, and I'm (obviously) just sitting there.

So I say something like "Yeah, no, you're not crazy, ha ha good one...I now have a bladder infection" (not really on the last part), and she goes "Well ok...well...goodbye!"

Yes, definitely, goodbye. This has been a great little catch up for us.

Anyway, all of that to say..."one-in-the-stall, one-out" conversations are SOMETIMES okay if you're with your best friend ever...and then never okay again. Two-in convos can be okay...maybe...two-out convos are just flipping fine.