Friday, April 15, 2011

Parents are liars.

I mean, not all of them. Or maybe all of them are. It's hard to tell, right, because they're lies?
But no...definitely not all of them.

Anyway. Yesterday, I had a conversation with a mom who pretended to be a student. This isn't the first time, which is mildly depressing, but it's one of the worst. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Admissions, this is Shannon (actually, probably more like Admisisisannon...I think, after eleven hundred thousand phone answers, it's slurred a little).
Her: Hello, my name is Kevin, and I'm a high school junior. I'm calling with several questions about ROTC.
Me: Ok...Kevin...what can I tell you?
Her: Well I'm very academically gifted, and I always have been. I'm interested in pursuing the biological sciences eventually, but I'm more interested in the military at the moment. My parents think that I should pursue my education first, but I'm unsure. What advice can you offer?
Me: Well..........Kevin...(boring advice given).

At this point, I transferred her to our ROTC advising counselor for more advice, of course, but really, to get a second opinion as to whether or not this was actually a high schooler named Kevin. Here's what Chip said, via G-chat.

chippitkin: no way!!!

Thanks Chip.

Things to NOT do if you're going to call a college pretending to be your child:

1. That. Just don't do that. Never call a college pretending to be your child. It should FEEL too embarrassing, but if for some reason it doesn't, I'm telling you: it is embarrassing. Don't.
2. Say things like this "My parents think that I should pursue my education first, but I'm unsure."
3. Brag about yourself just like your mom does when she's talking about you to the neighbor.
4. Pretend to be your son, Kevin, as a mom, OR
4. Name your daughter Kevin (if it's Kevan or Kehvighn or something, I'm gonna freak out)
5. Speak with a voice that sounds like it's coming out of this body:

All are dead give aways.

It's not worth it. Kevan/Kehvighn/Kevin now looks like an idiot, even if s/he doesn't know you called.


  1. ahhh ha ha ha thanks for making my day!

  2. I don't even understand how a parent could convince themself that this would be anywhere close to an appropriate thing to do.