the most serious this blog will ever be

...but I can't resist at the moment.

Dear 80% of People on Facebook:

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?

Love, Shannon

I have lost faith in the goodness of almost everyone everywhere since about 8:30 p.m. PST yesterday. There are appropriate ways to handle major world events on Facebook. Why do 80% of people choose NOT to handle things that way?

Appropriate post, ripped from someone's actual Facebook, without crediting them, because who knows if they'd even be ok with that:

""Obama is dead, I don't care" - Geraldo Rivera. Thanks Fox News for being Fair & Balanced."

--it's funny, real, and doesn't rejoice in the death of another person. Nice work.

Inappropriate post, ripped from someone's actual Facebook, without crediting them, because I hope they're embarrassed by this one day:

...in response to a comment that the people in DC celebrating OBL's death was eerily similar to the people in the Middle East celebrating the events of September 11: "False. It is a celebration of justice, their celebration was of injustice."

--False. I'm pretty sure they said the EXACT SAME THING about you just now. Justice is perceived.

Inappropriate post:

...again, an argument in response to the concept that we shouldn't be celebrating someone's death by singing in the streets: "read Ezekiel 18:23"

Kick ass appropriate reply:

"Ezekiel 18:23, "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?""

--excellent contextualization. I laughed out loud at this. I like how the person that posted the challenge in the first place apparently read the first part of that verse, then chose to stop reading, and answer the question on God's behalf with a "Yes."

Inappropriate posts:

Variations on "Ding dong the witch is dead," which range from that simple quote to the more elaborate "Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch . . . We don't forget," (which, should anyone like to wager, I bet will be one a t-shirt at gas stations in Arizona within the week).

--first of all, and maybe most importantly, witches are girls. Doesn't anyone read Harry Potter anymore? Second, this reference to a fairly old movie is not going to go far with the kids on the Facebook these days. Third, SOMEONE DIED. I don't know, maybe stop singing about it.

Inappropriate post:

"Obama made it sound like he single handedly found him and pulled the trigger himself. "

--really? Because I'm pretty sure he mentioned the troops on the ground in Pakistan several minutes before he pointed out that, by law, he had to be the one to give the order. Because it's the law. And I'm pretty sure he wasn't singing about it.

Inappropriate post:

"Osama is dead that faggot."

--REALLY? Do you know what that means? Of all the things he's been accused of, I'm pretty sure being into guys wasn't one of them. There are SO MANY OTHER adjectives that would've been appropriate. Here are a couple to choose from: criminal, killer, terrorist. And those adjectives actually have negative connotation attached.

Post toward which I am neutral, leaning toward "really?":

...from a friend in a rural Midwest town: "I can sleep so much easier tonight knowing he's dead!"

--I mean, I'm glad that you're feeling good and all, but you can't honestly expect me to believe that you've been losing sleep for the last nine years because you thought OBL might choose to attack your town of 1100. Let's not make this more dramatic than it already is.

Inappropriate post:

"I'll truly believe it when I see it. Oh wait, I won't see it because they threw his body into the ocean."

--So...you're saying you won't believe it? That hardly seems worth of a status update. I don't believe Del T is better than T Bell (do you like how I have nicknames for fast food restaurants?). POST IT.

Appropriate post (I think):

"I think Obama's next speech is going to be a guitar solo."
--I don't get it...but I like it.

Inappropriate post, followed by inappropriate comments:

Post: "Hmmm, wonder what Osama is thinkin' about right now??"
Comment: "How hot hell is"
Comment: "Where's all my virgins and can somebody kick the AC on."

--Awesome. Jesus is looking down on you with so much love right now, as you decide that someone went to hell forever, and made fun of the fact. Jesus LOVES judgment, mocking and when people go to hell. You are all awesome, and I'm happy we're (Facebook) friends. Let's get matching tattoos of OBL in hell, and us with Jesus and a bunch of virgins laughing and laughing, and Jesus will have his arm around you, and I'll be holding up a peace sign. For real. Let's get those tattoos tomorrow you guys.

Appropriate post that I couldn't have said better myself...especially because s/he also uses the abbreviation for his name, just like me:

"I just can't find joy in the physical death of another person - I feel grateful for the fortitude and courage of our troops, but I'm kinda creeped out by people cheering at OBL's death."

--I wouldn't have wanted him as an Uncle or anything, but I'm certainly not happy he died. Come on...someone died!! The only person I would be happy about dying is Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter. Boom. Two Harry Potter references in one blog. All readers alienated forever.

And to wrap things up...

Comment that appeared in the middle of the president's speech, in the middle of everyone's social media running commentary, that put it aaaall in perspective:

"Watching George Lopez as a comedian and tryna complete an essay is hard as fck, he is so funny! LMAO side tracked much haha"

I love/hate high school students. So much.