Thursday, May 24, 2012

My kids will not be attending a kindergarten graduation

Clearly this assumes something HUGE about me and kids in the first place, because as you may or may not know, the thought of actually birthing a baby is...not something I get excited about (you're welcome for that edit)...but if that day comes, or if I snatch up someone else's baby pre-kindy,  my kids will not be attending a kindergarten graduation.

That was a little too long for the title, but that's what I mean.

Here's the situation.  There are going to be a lot of things I need to say to set this up, but I promise that at the end, it will come together.   

-As far as I can tell, they started having kindergarten graduations around the time that the last few incoming classes of college freshmen were in kindergarten, because it's recently that I've started seeing photos of tiny kids in their graduation caps and gowns as a part of their applications to college (different post). 

-These last few years of applicants have been the most entitled students ever.  Giant disclaimer--certainly not all of them.  I have worked with some true gems every year.  But in general, many students I meet at college fairs, take calls from, etc. have a bit of a heightened sense of "I am the best, and everything I do is a huge accomplishment, you're welcome."

-Kindergarten isn't hard

-Basically everyone, ever, finishes kindergarten.

-Parents already spend a GOOD amount of time telling their kids they can do ANYTHINGTHEYWANTEVERANDTHATTHEYARETHEBESTATEVERYTHINGEVER!

I think you see where I'm going.

Kudos to kids for finishing kindergarten, really.  I'll take mine out to Pizza Hut buffet and we'll have Cinnastix (is that still how kids like to celebrate?). 

But having a ceremony tantamount to high school or college graduation??  It just cheapens the actual accomplishments of finishing 13 years of education, or getting a degree...and makes kids think they've actually wrapped something up.  Sorry kids--prepare to be disappointed.  You have finished the best/easiest part of your education, and it will never be as fun as that sand table you got to play with from 2:15 to 3:20.  From that ceremony through the next 12 years, no one will care at all that you finished a year of school.  You may get a Word document certificate, but that's only if your teacher has recently attended a seminar that encouraged him/her to "be a beacon of support in the lives of your students."

Just tell your kid "Nice work on wrapping the school  year up.  Get ready for more of this until you get your PhD.  Let's go get some Cinnastix."

Final disclaimer--I don't have kids, so I'm pretty sure that I have no idea what I'm talking about.  If this seems overly callous, just assume that I'll flip flop if I ever have kids.

These high school grads are so pissed to be in the same photo as these kids. I get it, you guys.  You worked a lot harder, and just having a pink sash to differentiate is bs.


  1. "You have finished the best/easiest part of your education, and it will never be as fun as that sand table you got to play with from 2:15 to 3:20."

    I'm pretty sure some students think that there should be aspects of their education, even throughout college, that are as easy as the sand table.

  2. Watch for Preschool Graduation pics this upcoming week! :) haaaa!

    love that you keep it real! it's refreshing!

    1. Ha ha I knew this was just a random rant...I already take it all back just thinking about sweet little Nixon in grad garb!!