Monday, July 16, 2012

Things I'm going to assume about you based solely on what you have stuck to your back car window

You're obviously really angry about something.  If we were to get into a fender bender, I'd be nervous to speak with you in person.  You have at least four non-traditional facial piercings, including at least one lip ring (the hoop kind).
You  are confident, because you really expect people to pull over to take notes on your vehicle, because there is no way anyone can get it while driving past you.  You believe that Texas should return to being its own country.  You have another job to pay for the decal on your window for this second job.

Coexist, huh?  You must be VERY progressive, and VERY open-minded, and VERY judgmental of anyone who's chosen one of those religions represented in your sticker, except Buddhists, because they're VERY cool.  Also, I am pretty sure that the Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa, etc., were pretty obedient, and made history, ergo I assume that you're also one of those people who has a question and instead of just looking up an answer, you ask someone else for the answer via social media. 
You have never actually seen a Calvin and Hobbs cartoon, because they are, on face, classier than I know you are, just based on this sticker.  Also, anyone who is committed to a brand of vehicle so much that it causes them to dislike other brands to the point of advertising it needs someone else going on. You don't care about anything that actually matters, because you're busy caring about not-something.  You think you're infinitely clever, but you aren't.  :(

You are often confused, and like movies and TV A LOT.  I think.  But it's hard to tell because I have no idea what this means.

Your church uses your tithe money to print stickers.  Your church 'borrowed' the Disney font, and most certainly did not ask to do so.  Your church is on the same cool level as Toys backwards-R Us.  You are proud to be a part of these things.

You forgot that it wasn't 1996.

You listen to country music and like it enough to commemorate it on your car. You forgot that this person is actually riding a horse.  That person in the decal is a man, but you're almost assuredly a girl.  You saw this at the swap meet with your girlfriends and said "OMG girls I totally love this song I have to have this for my carrrrr!!" and that was the last thought that you gave.  We can't be friends.

You want someone to kidnap your kids.

You like having an inside joke with ______ so much that you put it on your vehicle for the WORLD to see.  Bad one gets this, and people that do will see your car at the Long's and be like "Oh I know what that means." and that will be the end of your private inside joke. You often explain this to people who do not ask about it in order to justify having it.  It doesn't.

I don't even know what I think about people with these.  I know they mean something, but I DO NOT GET IT.  I used to think it was a radio station shout out, but there are so many like this one that obviously aren't...WHAT DO THE OVAL NUMBERS MEAN?!?! 
You're invested enough in not liking a president that you resort to name calling to the whole world.  I'm anti-guns, but I don't have a gun sticker that says "Guns are douchebags!!!"  If you're being really honest, you don't know anything about the president other than what your friends tell you via email forwards, and you haven't voted in a long time. 

You want me to rear end you, because I have to rear end you to read this.

You're involved in money laundering, because this makes no sense.  Even with all those words...I have no idea what you're trying to get me to do...or what you do.  And you like it.  Also, I don't think English is your first language.  That's fine...just maybe it by someone who does first, if you're going to stick to English for the decal.

You either love or hate guns.  I will not look that site up to find out, just to prove a point (to myself).

You think you're really, really funny.  Like, funny to the point of having something with multiple "funny" lines in your car that you're able to rotate, just to keep things fresh.  You are that person at the party who reads the email forward you got from  your Aunt's neighbor the other day. 

I'm working on being judgmental about these things...but really you guys...what's the point of these things?  I don't know if I'm more mad that people buy them or that they exist. 

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