Monday, July 30, 2012


I love eating, and I love uuuuhhhheating.

I have some tips to help you love it too.

1.  If you're eating something that drips, be sure it drips onto something else you're eating.

BECAUSE THEN THE OTHER THING TASTES LIKE THE OTHER THING FLAVORED LIKE THE FIRST THING.  No flavor wasted...that's (one of) my (many many) motto(s).  Best examples of this: tacos dripping in the beans OR rice (pick one, but then for sure mix the rice and beans together so it totally doesn't matter).  Meat of any kind dripping in the mashers ("But Shannon, that might be meat blood!"  Hell yes it might be meat blood!!).  Cheeseburger melty cheese dripping on french fries.  Asian noodle soup dripping into the rice (or just put the rice into the reverse winner).  Pasta with a bunch of sauce dripping on the garlic bread. 
As you can see, it works with every ethnicity of meal, and I would (have) likely try (tried) it with any foods.  You won't regret it.

2.  Open your heart to the halfsie-tradesie.

Can't decide between two lunch choices?  Convince the person next to you that they can't decide between the same two choices!  Here are some talking points you can use:
"I thought nothing looked as good as the fish tacos, but then I saw the carnitas tostada!"
"It's obvious that I have to get the lamb burger since it's the best thing on the menu, but that chicken sando looks like it's gonna be something special!"
"It's like LO MEIN, FRIED RICE, LO MEIN, FRIED RICE...come on [your name], choose already!"
That should get the person next to  you either thinking on the same page as you, or make them doubt their choice, and start to think about yours.  As SOON as they say something about it--like "Wow,  yeah, that's a tough call," or "Oh man they both sound so good..." or "That just made my decision a lot harder," jump on it with a "Hey, want to halfsie-tradesie?"  Boom, two lunches.  If you're only ok friends, you can cut each lunch in half and trade at the beginning of the meal.  If you're good friends, you can just each eat half of your meal, then switch plates.  If you're great friends, you won't even have to use those tricks, because they'll already be thinking of two options to present to you as the halfsie-tradesie option. 

I felt like I had to end on that because I feel really strongly about the halfsie-tradesie. 

3.  Don't rule out an appetizer and two sides as a meal option.

Just saying, if you can't choose between the cheeseburger and fries because you want fries, but you want a side salad too, and you can't be that girl who orders a full meal PLUS, just get the slider appetizer, a side of fries and a side salad.  Just as cost effective (sometimes), you get everything you want (unless you want medium rare because they can't really do that with sliders), and you look awesome and innovative.

That's all for now, but since I'm always eating stuff, I'm sure to have more. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Monday, July 16, 2012

Things I'm going to assume about you based solely on what you have stuck to your back car window

You're obviously really angry about something.  If we were to get into a fender bender, I'd be nervous to speak with you in person.  You have at least four non-traditional facial piercings, including at least one lip ring (the hoop kind).
You  are confident, because you really expect people to pull over to take notes on your vehicle, because there is no way anyone can get it while driving past you.  You believe that Texas should return to being its own country.  You have another job to pay for the decal on your window for this second job.

Coexist, huh?  You must be VERY progressive, and VERY open-minded, and VERY judgmental of anyone who's chosen one of those religions represented in your sticker, except Buddhists, because they're VERY cool.  Also, I am pretty sure that the Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa, etc., were pretty obedient, and made history, ergo I assume that you're also one of those people who has a question and instead of just looking up an answer, you ask someone else for the answer via social media. 
You have never actually seen a Calvin and Hobbs cartoon, because they are, on face, classier than I know you are, just based on this sticker.  Also, anyone who is committed to a brand of vehicle so much that it causes them to dislike other brands to the point of advertising it needs someone else going on. You don't care about anything that actually matters, because you're busy caring about not-something.  You think you're infinitely clever, but you aren't.  :(

You are often confused, and like movies and TV A LOT.  I think.  But it's hard to tell because I have no idea what this means.

Your church uses your tithe money to print stickers.  Your church 'borrowed' the Disney font, and most certainly did not ask to do so.  Your church is on the same cool level as Toys backwards-R Us.  You are proud to be a part of these things.

You forgot that it wasn't 1996.

You listen to country music and like it enough to commemorate it on your car. You forgot that this person is actually riding a horse.  That person in the decal is a man, but you're almost assuredly a girl.  You saw this at the swap meet with your girlfriends and said "OMG girls I totally love this song I have to have this for my carrrrr!!" and that was the last thought that you gave.  We can't be friends.

You want someone to kidnap your kids.

You like having an inside joke with ______ so much that you put it on your vehicle for the WORLD to see.  Bad one gets this, and people that do will see your car at the Long's and be like "Oh I know what that means." and that will be the end of your private inside joke. You often explain this to people who do not ask about it in order to justify having it.  It doesn't.

I don't even know what I think about people with these.  I know they mean something, but I DO NOT GET IT.  I used to think it was a radio station shout out, but there are so many like this one that obviously aren't...WHAT DO THE OVAL NUMBERS MEAN?!?! 
You're invested enough in not liking a president that you resort to name calling to the whole world.  I'm anti-guns, but I don't have a gun sticker that says "Guns are douchebags!!!"  If you're being really honest, you don't know anything about the president other than what your friends tell you via email forwards, and you haven't voted in a long time. 

You want me to rear end you, because I have to rear end you to read this.

You're involved in money laundering, because this makes no sense.  Even with all those words...I have no idea what you're trying to get me to do...or what you do.  And you like it.  Also, I don't think English is your first language.  That's fine...just maybe it by someone who does first, if you're going to stick to English for the decal.

You either love or hate guns.  I will not look that site up to find out, just to prove a point (to myself).

You think you're really, really funny.  Like, funny to the point of having something with multiple "funny" lines in your car that you're able to rotate, just to keep things fresh.  You are that person at the party who reads the email forward you got from  your Aunt's neighbor the other day. 

I'm working on being judgmental about these things...but really you guys...what's the point of these things?  I don't know if I'm more mad that people buy them or that they exist. 

Things I don't understand about the internet

1.  90% of all of the things
2.  Why was that pic in the last post SO EFFING BIG???

This is what my auto-fill thinks of me

What the hell.