Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I don't care that you're using cloth diapers.

JUST KIDDING.  I totally care.  I just really hate it.

Caveat:  This post has nothing to do with any of my actual friends who use cloth diapers.  You know me...I don't tell you your business.  You go, Glencoco...use those clothies, and I support you!  This is only directed to people all over Facebook who are judging people who use disposable diapers (smaller caveat--this is almost all based on posts on the business page I manage for work, so they're not even my Facebook friends. #safe).

Caveats over...let's begin.


I do not have kids, but if I do, I will be using disposable diapers.

"Umm, but do you know how many of them you use a day?"

Yeah.  That's not a surprise to anyone who isn't 16.

Here are my beefs (or can more than one issue still just be a singluar beef?  Tough call.) with cloth diapers.  These actually aren't in order of importance...you just have to guess which is more important to me.  Nail biter!

1--It's a big ol' waste of water.

Renewable resources: landfill space. Paper.
Non-renewable resources: fresh water. 
You cannot tell me that it's irresponsible to use disposable diapers without owning the fact that you're likely more than doubling the amount of laundry you're doing, unless you love letting shiz-soiled cloth sit around for days ("But it's in a container..." Gross.  Don't care.), which means your fresh water usage just jumped up uhhhbunch.  At worst, you're contributing to an impending drought that will wreck our homeland (check in with Al Gore).  At best, it's a total wash (pun intended) for moms who conserve water and use up paper and landfill space.  Stop judging.

2--Your hands are already all up in baby fluids all day.  Why add the additional risk of messing with adult fluids by getting super close to your toilet?

I KNOW there are little toilet hoses you can buy that make it easier, but I want to do as few things as possible that involve toilet water, dipping things into toilets...and pulling them back out. 

Sidenote: this is where the really judgmental moms say things like "Oh ho ho you have no idea!  Babies are much messier than you will ever know because you don't have one!  You will have spit up and pee and poo all over you all the time so get used to it, because you don't know at all!!!!!"  Yeah, turns out you also don't have to be a mom to get that.  And I still don't want to INCREASE that.  Let's leave it at regular day-to-day disasters, umkay?

"Oh, we use the cloth diapers with the disposable INSERTS--no toilet required!"
Yeah, then you're using disposable diapers.  Cheers. 

3--You're really limiting your babysitting list.

Kids these days don't know how to use cloth diapers, and probably aren't gonna get it on the first try.  That means you're either specially training everyone who comes into contact with your kid or leaving your kid with someone who's gonna set them up to soil their crib.

"Oh we don't use a crib...family bed is MUCH better for bonding."

4--No one accuses disposable diaper mamas of being pretentious and judgmental. 

Just saying...I purposefully avoid certain bars just because of the pretentious hipsters that love it so much.  Why be any different with the diaper crowd?

5--From here on out, the place where you drop your clothing items will routinely have traces of baby fecal matter all up in it.

"Um no, the washer gets things clean, so the diaper business is all washed out."
You guys know how when you dye something in the wash, you have to run two empty cycles to get all of the leftover dye out?
Yeah, that.

The only time I won't judge you for using cloth diapers is if you're doing it to save money.  That's legit, America, so instead of telling new moms how they're for SURE going to ruin their kids' ass-skin, just tell them how much cheaper it is. 

I'm over mom guilt and I'm not even a mom.  

Back to Tuesday!


  1. Don't forget the energy that goes into drying cloth diapers. Unless you live in a year round warm climate, cloth diapers are likely going into a dryer. Many would argue that is worse than the water usage. It really is a myth that cloth is so much better for the environment. Neither option is "good" for the environment, but it is short-sighted to think cloth is so much better. You're either contributing to land fill space or using tons of water and energy.

    Most of the people I know using them do it part-time which is even dumber, imo... Then you have the cost of the cloth and disposables... Plus the environmental impact of washing and drying several small loads of laundry every week AND tossing disposables into a landfill. And don't even get me started about "green disposables"... What a green-washed joke that is.

    1. Anon...I don't know you, but I like you. You're totally right. Take that, judgmental moms.

      And if they line dry, they're basically ensuring that their baby booties are exposed to pollution and allergens and tiiiiny bugs.


  2. Have to agree. In the grand scheme of things, diapers are not that big of a deal environment wise. Throwing away disposables takes up a very small amount of landfill space (the majority going to food and paper - stuff that can be composted / recycled). And washing / drying your own diapers isn't all that different of a footprint than showering, flushing a toilet and running a dishwasher on a regular basis.

    The majority of North America is using disposable diapers. If everyone started using cloth diapers tomorrow, there would be many more adverse effects as opposed to positive ones (huge spike in energy and water usage). The planet would not be saved because of this.

    It's a funny thing that so many parents (mom's mostly) are so passionate about and have so much guilt over diapers. And they're temporary for crying out loud! You know what would be much better for the environment? Eating less (or no) beef. Walking or using transit to get around more. These things are more of an issue (CO2 emissions from cattle and vehicles) than diapers, AND you could do for more than the 2-3 years that your kid can't use a toilet.

    It really comes down to personal choice. But it is silly to think that cloth diapers are "good" for the environment and disposables "bad." Depending on where you live it is a push at best. And at the end of the day, who really cares?! (except us of course!)

  3. This is hilarious! Will you marry me and have my children? I promise I will never judge you for dressing them in Pampers.

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