Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Facebook Vague-ing (vaguebooking?) and how I hope to end it forever.

When I say "end it forever," I know that even in the BEST case scenario, I'd just lessen it in my own Facebook feed, but what can I say...I'm hopeful.

Vague-ing [vay-geeng] 
verb
a non-word word to describe Facebook statuses that are emotionally charged, intentionally vague, and seem to be solely for attention and sympathy.  
see also: "vaguebooking," and "easier way to say 'vaguebooking'"

I tried to go with "vaguing", but that proved to just be more confusing.  "What's vag-wing?"  Yeah yeah.  It's something totally different...ask your mom.


Anyway, I HATE vague-ing for the following reasons:
  • I hate most things done solely for attention, so I especially hate those things done for attention in an intentionally public forum.
  • I hate that it's so damn evident that it's intentional.  It's SO much harder to talk around an issue than it is to just be up front.
  • I hate that people use vague-ing to seem as though they AREN'T doing either of the above.  "No no, I won't say it...I don't want to burden you all with my trouble." 
 I've been trying to combat vague-ing lately, but the explicit ways seem to fail.  You can't just ask people what's going on, because then you seem super lame for not knowing ("aren't they supposed to be friends?  I can't believe she doesn't know!"), and they typically answer per above ("No no, it's not your struggle! Don't worry!").  You can't be equally vague because it just feeds into what they're doing, and then someone else writes this blog post about you.  You can't delete them because it's just
too
amusing
to get frustrated to this level about something that matters so little...and really, we just all want to know what the hell they're talking about. 

So I've come up with a new solution that I hope will lead to the best of all worlds:

I call it de-vague-ing.

For example:




Your Your De-Vague-ing Comment: I am so sorry...I am sure your carburetor will start running better soon!!  I have some great mechanic recommendations if you need them--just say the word!





Your De-Vague-ing Comment: You can't be mad at a cat for having an accident.  Sometimes, even if you've litter box trained them, they will pee on the floor.  It's not his fault...he's just getting old.  I hope things get easier for you guys!






Your De-Vague-ing Comment: It totally is!  My advice is to start treatment NOW.  The longer you leave things untreated, the more likely they are to get worse, which will make it even harder to treat in the future!






Your De-Vague-ing Comment: No matter what, know that bees serve a really important purpose.  I hate them too, but without them, no pollination, no flowers, no honey...we need them!  Don't lose hope--even if you get stung, know you're serving a greater purpose!

BOOM.  You just got de-vagued!

What I hope this accomplishes:
  • Vaguers having to acknowledge that their status was so overwhelmingly vague that my comment, while it (hopefully?) doesn't apply, easily could apply
  • Vaguers having to explain what they're really bitching about, in order to make sure people don't believe it's actually what I said.
  • Vaguers feeling just a liiiittle douchey.

What this will actually accomplish:
  • My comments getting deleted
  • Me getting unfriended
I
CAN'T
LOSE.

8 comments:

  1. Your de-vague-ing may be a gift, a spiritual gift. (Encouragement? Empathy? Wisdom?)
    Before vague-ing -> Unspoken prayer requests.

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