Thursday, September 30, 2010

Here's how you know it's time...

...for the Special K Challenge:

When you sit down in your work chair, and you (more specifically, your booty) rips the lining of your skirt.

Thank the goodness it's just the lining, so no one can see it.

Special K Challenge...starting October 10. Who's with me?????

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

True or false... the car at 10:30 last night, I put cuticle oil all over my lips.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

RI(not)P hair dryer

It shorted out and burned my hand today. I hated it for that. Also, I had to half dry the rest of my hair with a flat iron.
When I think back on this hair dryer, I will only remember the burn and the time that I cut my head open and there was blood everywhere when I was drying my hair. I hated those things.

I hated this hair dryer.

I think I will buy a wildly expensive one next time, just to see what all the hubbub is about. What's all the hubabout?

(As a sidenote, this is how I get into too-expensive-for-my-own-good habits. "Oh, Paige jeans can't be actually worth $200...Prada sunglasses can't be THAT great..." Turns out, they are, and they are. And now I can't buy jeans at the Gap or sunglasses at Target ever again.)

Monday, September 20, 2010 can kill yourselves.

Her words...not mine!

I hate to love it too, but not really, because I listened to this probably 100 times while I was traveling last week. IT'S.SO.CATCHY. And it's about time someone sampled this song!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Living someone's dream at the college fair

I don't know whose dream, but I know it's someones. Here are some things:

-A really, really business-oriented mom bustled up to me and said "Do you have Kinsey-ology?" Credibility lost. Stop pretending like you know what you're talking about.

-Two sophomores stood at the booth for at least 10 minutes looking through and through and through again our general info brochure, assuring me they had no questions. Then one of them stopped on a page with an ocean pic and said "Yep...this is my favorite page." Then they left.

-A kid from the host high school made his rounds at the tables, then left, and came back with a big box of loose candy, which he proceeded to try and sell to other students and parents. There was no indication that it was for any type of fundraiser...he was just selling candy. My friend Tim and I played a little game to see who would buy and who would blow him off (hey girl). There were more of the latter (heeeeyyyy girl).

-A girl came up to the table and asked if we had architecture, to which I replied that we did not, and she was getting ready to leave, when her friend saw our brochure major list and said "Oh my gosh, you have interior design???" At that point, the architecture girl came back and goes "Oh then I will fill out a card, because I want either architecture or interior design!!" Girl...that's like saying you want to either study bio-chem or taffy-making. Seriously?? Don't even worry about're not going to be an architect.

-One kid came up to the table, staring at the display, which says PLNU at the top, and finally said..."Pluh...pluh...wait, HOW do you say the school?"

Home in four days. Hooray!

Mama's mumu

I'm in a coffee shop called Maui Wowi, and there are ladies practicing the ukulele singing Mama's Mumu.

There's a single dad with his two cute daughters, and he keeps looking over at me whenever his kids say something funny with an amused look. That part is funny. He also keeps looking at me when he thinks HE says something funny. Not funny.

Kid: I had a bloody nose today at school...
Dad: So what else is new??
Looks at me smirking, I look up and smile uncomfortably.

Kid: I thought it was snot, but it was blood.
I actually smile, because that's funny.
Dad: You thought it was snot...typical!
Looks at me smirking, I look up and smile uncomfortably.

This happens about 4 more times.

Kid: Can I have a drink of yours?
Dad: You are drinking everyone's drink but your own!
Looks at me smirking, I stop looking back.

This is another reason I will inevitably die young...I just go along with whatever is going on for a long time.

"I need a COAT, mother f-er, don't you EVER forget!!"

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Here's something I hate:

When people edit, then specify abbreviations, like:


I hate this for several reasons.

1--It basically ruins the abbreviation in the first place. No one says ASAPossible, or FYourI. At the point that you spell out one word, there's no reason for the abbreviation. Just say it all! Then you'll really show them.

2--I get it already! You don't swear! You don't need to hit it home again. If you type OMG, I'm not going to all the sudden assume you've started taking the Lord's name in vain. It's gosh. You only say gosh. I get it.

3--I hate it.

That's right...the third reason I hate it is because I hate it.


Money for nothing, chicks for free

DON'T SAY THAT TITLE LIKE THE SONG...just kidding. The title has nothing to do with this entire post.

So I got to see some of the Today Show when getting ready at my hotel/motel this morning, and caught the lucrative "Home Decor" segment, where they had some sort of expert (how do you even become a home decor expert??) talking about home decor myths (which I also don't really think exist). At one point, Ann (do you like how I call her Ann like we're friends or something? I do see her more than many of my actual friends, I guess.) said (one more parenthetical aside!!) "So next, truth or myth: Lamp design isn't important?" The expert was literally laughing and said "Ohh ho ho ho myth!!!!" like this was something that was actually important and actually funny. Inside lamp joke. Good one. But really, not good, because it's not funny, even to lamp lovers.

So one of the high schools I visited today was in ASB/StuGo/whatever you called high school student government election season, and let me tell you...high school student campaigning is pure genius.

2--I don't follow the logic, but nice use of color, D.

2--Sometimes, Dylan, spell check doesn't cut it.
3--I get it...freshmen boys will read things that say Victoria's Secret, and then laugh a little about it...and then probably vote for Dylan.

2--You know she's been waiting forever to use this officially, because it's come up A LOT throughout her life.
3--Come voting day, count me for CHEW!

1--You lost me at Vote A--
2--Really? Colored paper was all the creativity you could muster?

1--These kids likely weren't born when these commercials were on TV.
2--Sorry your last name looks like Occult a little.

1--I like the glitter!
2--Also, nice rhyme. There was no better way to make this sign.
3--But I hope Dana's name isn't pronounced "Dan-uh," because that will be confusing in the voting booth. "I know it rhymes with bananas..."

1--Sorry I blurred your poster, but a kid walked out of the bathroom and scared me when I was taking the picture.
2--Cool pic of you at the Grand Canyon.

1--So you went with the M and the A in red? Huh.
2--Nice highlight of the :)'s...let's emphasize those even more.
3--Adding the "Just go ahead and" really didn't even out the meter of the rhyme at all...but I like the effort.

2--A little heavy on the text, Darren.
3--But really, you can't argue with results!

1--Don't you think this is a little presumptuous?
2--Was Chew born when Pikachu was a thing??
3--Is it STILL a thing?
4--I liked the Chew Chew better.

1--Dana...this is old news.
2--Like, I don't think it's been on commercials for 10 years old news.

Aaaaaand...on way out of town, no where near a school, which, I think, is the only way this would make any sense:

Hold on, I can't turn yet...I'm still reading the many, many restrictions on when I can turn. What time is it? Car crash.

Monday, September 13, 2010

on the road...AGAIN

Don't you dare say that like the song, because that is NOT what I'm going for.

Hello. I'm tired of fall travel, and it's my first day. I think it's because I am now like 15 years older than the average counselor. But at least there are weird things to write about.

I hate and love overzealous sports fans.

So on my flight last night, there was this lady dressed as though she were an actual Giants player...tight white pants and all. She stopped every few aisles while boarding to ask people if they were at the game, then, regardless of their answer, she'd talk to them, in "I know a lot about this, can't you tell?" detail, about players, games, stats, blah blah blah. No one cared, OR everyone was too creeped out to have that conversation with a complete crazy lady stranger. Then, no lie, she tried to start the "Here we go Giants, here we go!" clapping cheer 12 times on the flight. Weird thing--she only did it when the flight attendants and pilots were on the PA. No one joined in, but she kept yelling "COME ON YOU GUYS!!! COME ON!" I don't even think she was drunk, because I saw her more than an hour later at the train for the BART, and she was doing the same thing, but weirder. It was just me on one side, her across from me and a guy standing like 10 yards (sports measurement!) away, and she yelled to him "Did you catch the game??" He said he did, and looked away, but no worries, because she just walked over to him with an arm in the air and said "Ok, we have to do it..." which made him look pretty nervous, because her arm was in the air and all, and he said "Do what?" She said "THE HIGH FIVE!!!" Then she did the same thing that she did on the plane..."player player score score blah blah." He just stood there, but she didn't care. I love her enthusiasm, and hate that it's wasted on something that has no value to society.

Coffee shops are full of weird people in the day time.

...also called...

Don't you all have jobs?

I am sitting one table away from a group of three 50-60s men, one of whom is either a huge ass or just crazy. I can't tell. The other two men are somehow his employees, and he's been using this last hour to catch up with them, and to impart random bits of wisdom.

For example:

"If you make ten decisions, you make one wrong. It's a statistic. You find the wrong one, and you go "OOPS! What's the mistake?" And you learn. So if you can make it a little more user friendly, we're winning all around. Ok, so what else on Hummingbird?"

"Bingo. If I had a cigar, I'd give it to you."

"That's fine. That's fine. It's not approved."

"You need to call the trailer company to get it fixed. I don't see you writing that down."

But he's saying all of this like a huge jerk. Seriously. Everything I said with this "you two are dumb...thank God you have me to guide you" tone. I can't tell if the guys are mad or what. I'm mad for them. The guy also says all of these things looking over his glasses, which are about to fall off of his nose...intentionally.

"Ok, you guys can stay here and talk if you want, but I have a meeting, so...whatever."

Also, some other guy just started playing the piano like 40 minutes ago. He doesn't work here.

So now it's just the two guys who were being enlightened/lectured, and one looked at the other and said "That was rough."

Totally, man.

And in conclusion, I can't stop singing this song recently. Here is one of the worst versions of it, but it's all the interweb had for us. It's worth a Google and actual listen. And don't take it're obviously exempt!

Friday, September 10, 2010

reflections from the front desk

So to cover while our normal front desk person is in training, I am at the front desk this morning (and by "this morning," I now mean last week, because I forgot to post this). Here are my reflections.

"Good morning...are you here for the tour?"
"We are!"
"Great. Where are you coming from?"
"La Mesa."
"Oh great, so not too fa--"
"Actually, silly's Alpine. We're from Alpine."

Someone just came in with a two baby running stroller (over-achiever) and handed me payment for the early childhood center, which is on campus, but nowhere near this building. Then they just left.

It smells like a sick blend of the upstairs coffee and the downstairs coffee.

"I'm here to pick up my tickets for the Magic Mountain event."
"Oh great--you'll just want to go inside to Catharine."
Immediately, he comes back out with Catharine, because the tickets are right beside me, and says "So how does this whole Magic Mountain thing work?" What?? It's an amusement park! You just get there and go on rides and stuff.

"Hi, can I help you?"
Stop yelling. Stop yelling about a someone dying.

A certain middle aged lady from the office next door has walked by me three times and not only ignored my "good morning," but also refuses to make eye contact.

Some full grown girl with the voice of a tiiiny child just came in and said "Ok, um, hi, is there an envelope for me here?" There is, but tell your voice you're an adult, because you're creeping me out. Go to iTunes and listen to any Joanna Newsom song. That's what she sounded like.

Overheard from the secretaries at the counter next to me, but it's behind a wall, so they can't see me: "Ok, be honest. Which over the counter hair color brand is best?"

I love it. Old lady talk!

Friday, September 3, 2010

phone conversation

Me: “Right, so you’ll need to email Mandy. Do you have a pen handy?”
Lady (with kids): “Yeah, go ahead.”
Me: “It’s Mandy—m-a-n-d-y, Hong h-o-n-g,”
Her: “At what?”
Me: “cox dot net”
Her: “………um………oh c-o-x?”