Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Things I know now that I wish I'd always known

Oh yeah, not a lot of these things are important (maybe the food ones), so don't look for anything that matters here. But they are clearly about things most important to me, which, in re-reading this afterward, is a little embarrassing.

Buying designer denim is better on eBay.

So I have a thing for designer denim. I feel a little guilty about it, because I feel like that's something that assholes feel/say, but in college, my good friend convinced me to try on a pair of jeans, and for the first time...they actually fit. They were comfortable, they fit just right, and I bought them...and they lasted forever. Literally (figuratively) forever--I finally wore a hole through the booty last summer, and was devastated, because that ripped-jean-rip is not at all in fashion.
But seriously, what jeans last that long?? Best jeans.
And since then, I've invested in some pairs...at the rate of not even a pair a year. I get that they cost more, but really...I'm not sure I spend more than an average gal overall. ALSO...did I mention they fit?? I don't spend 45 minutes trying to find a top that hides the gap in the waist, or shoes that are juuuust the right height to make the leg look long but not hit the floor...you get the idea. Anyone with a body type like mine that involves hips that don't lie, longer-than-average-ish legs and plenty of junk...Paige jeans changed my life.

But I have recently discovered the bester best part...these jeans are ALL OVER eBay. Seriously. So many sample sale jeans go up on eBay...I had no idea. So my current strategy is to go to Bloomingdales, because they have t-h-e best selection ever--seriously--prove me wrong--try on everything, find the brand/style/wash/size that I want, and eBay that shiz. They're all on there, and they're always cheaper there. Some are worn, which I get can be too much for people, but a lot are new with tags, just left over from sample sales.

Go crazy. Not really though--one every year and a half-ish, when styles change. That's all.

Deals aren't deals if you weren't going to get the drink without the deal.

It gets me EVERY TIME. I never want the drink, but always think "Look at how nicely they've grouped everything...I'll just get the deal." Then I regret it, because I don't want any of the drinks they have, my car cup holders don't hold the cups (thanks Europe), and no matter what it is, I inevitably throw 2/3 of it away. Just get the freaking Nachos Bell Grande and the crunchy taco.

Oh, I want that so much right now.

Floor tickets are totally worth it.

You KNOW you're always gonna wanna dance a little, no matter who you're seeing. And no matter what, it's too awkward to do that from seats. You never know quite when to stand, it's hard to handle the people behind you sighing when you stand at the wrong time, you're always afraid you might topple down the bleachers, and the guy next you has to get up to pee SO MANY TIMES.
Getting floor tickets is totally worth the hour of standing, the minor pushing, the awkward bump-ins, etc. to be on the same page as everyone around you. No resentful girlfriends, no uncomfortable parents, no kids to step on down on the floor. Just you and a bunch of people like you, which means no one will stare at your not so great moves. Or mine.

Ok, just mine.

Only buy lingerie on sale.

Nothing is more of a guilt-inspiring purchase to me than full price chones, because I have seen how cheap they eventually get. The bra I spent $45 on is now at the VS outlet for $6. The same one. And about 1100 other ones, because the VS outlet is a giant warehouse of pink and lace and bathy-aroma. I have only once in my life NEEEEEEDED a bra real fast to the point that I couldn't wait for a sale or truck it to the outlet. I still get mad when I wear it because it was $45.

I promise you...whatever lingerie you're looking at will eventually be on sale for less than half the price. Don't give into the hype....and stock up when they're 88 cents.

Dirt under fingernails...Silly Putty.

Seriously. We all have dirt that we can't get at with a hand-wash. Don't hate...just jam your finger into some Silly Putty. Good as freaking new.

Taco Bell crunchy tacos are only 170 freaking calories.

I have wasted so much time feeling guilty about eating crunchy tacos when in reality, they're like 100000 times better for me than:
--two pieces of whole wheat bread
--a low fat bagel
--oatmeal with raisins
--a turkey breast pita, no mayo
--a large banana
--veggie stir-fry
--1/4 of any muffin ever
--five slices of honeydew melon
--one can of peas
--three eggs
--four Tootsie Pops

I could go on, but even I'm bored of that Google search. But seriously.

And let's be real...Things that are tastier than a crunchy taco and have fewer calories:
--none of those things.

Hair curls curlier with a flat iron.

WHY??? Why?? I have no idea. But my curling iron gets hotter than my flat iron, and my flat iron curls so much better. Section of hair, clamp at top, turn and pull the section, wild curl. And it lasts for DAYS (if you don't shower [which I don't]).

Cobblers are so worth it.

Suurrrrrrriously you guys. I bought shoes half a size too small, because I loved them and they were so important and the last pair...they stretched them for me...they're perfect. I go through heels, wear holes in soles (inner first), scuff toes, rip seams...and for like $7, the shoe guy just fixes it. And my shoes generally look better than when I bought them when he works on them.

It's him or a bunch of new shoes...ormaybeboth.

Best excuse when assaulted by a sales person: "This seems like a great birthday present, and I'm just meeting with my mom to birthday shop! I'll have to bring her here!"

Embarrassing that I routinely get sucked in by people selling things, trying to make their commission, wanting me to sign up for something, etc., but this is fail proof. I don't even feel bad that it's a lie anymore. It gets me out the first time, every time, and would've saved me from SO MANY awkward "yeah, I mean, I want to, but I just can't..."

Giving up brown soda for three solid months will make you hate it.

I PROMISE. I promise. Just try it. No cheats at all--that's key--it has to be completely cold turkey--but three full months with no brown soda, one taste and you'll want to spit it out. Or you will, depending on whether you're in a nice car or outside or something.


Used to have 6 Dr Peppers a day and hasn't had one since 2002.

No comments:

Post a Comment