Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Worst Twitter Ever

This is not real, so don't get your hopes up.

My brother and I know someone who is super nice, and super boring. Seriously, a conversation with him is like talking to an Almanac...not in that he's really knowledgeable, but in that it's extremely factual and to the point...no fluff...no character...no fun. Here's how an actual conversation went once:

Brother: Hey man, nice truck. Is it new?
Him: Yeah, it's reliable.
Brother: Cool.

End of conversation. There's nowhere to go from there.

Anyway, said person started a Twitter (in real life), which led to an hour long text exchange between my brother and me predicting this guy's future tweets. I laughed and laughed (alone, on the couch). Here are my favs from that convo, and more that I've been thinking of all day, because I can't stop thinking about it.

"Buckled up today. #clickitorticket"
"Drove 11 miles. #goodgasmileage"
"Watched the debates last night. #crooks"
"Finished my homework on time. #goodplanning"
"Youth group later. #godofwonders"
"Got peaches on sale. #lookwhatsinseason"
"Got the truck washed. #takecareofitittakescareofyou"
"Just ate a sugar-free pudding. #halfthecalories"
"10 year record low this morning. #wheresglobalwarming"
"Just finished Everybody Loves Raymond episode. #tbsreallydoesknowfunny"
"Shouldn't have had my steak rare. #texasbeef"
"Downloaded Courageous in 15 minutes. #whyipayforhighspeed"
"Blizzards half off tonight. #meetmeatdq"
"Hung up all my plants. #pleats"
"Going home to work on my elevator speech. #FBLA"
"A movie with Zooey Deschanel...I'll be there twice. #cutebeatshot"
"Kissed a girl and kept my hands to myself. #truelovewaits"
"Ran a mile. #workingonmyfitness"
"Brushed my teeth for the full 3 minutes. #nodentures"
"Ate a sno-cone. #cornsyrupisthesameassugar"
"Called home. #familymatters"
"Stayed up until ten studying. #noregrets"
"Always chew more than I think I should. #dontwanttochoke"
"Can't wait to support my team. #sports"
"Ate some great ice cream earlier. #benandjerrys"

This could literally be an all day thing. Can't wait to see how the world's most boring person fares on the Twitter.

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